World within World

New Blog

2010-09-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

It's time to say goodbye to World Within World--
Come join the fun at my new blog, Coffee and a Cardigan!

Daily Breadwear

2010-09-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hat: Forever 21, $7
Necklace: Forever21, $6
Tank: Old Navy, $4
Skirt: Gap, $3
Booties: Seychelles Spectacle, $16 used

Rowena's handmade dress: $4 from Goodwill

Rowena's shoes (made in France!): $4 from Goodwill

Moving!

2010-08-04T10:46:00.000-07:00

Greeting minions!

My new blog address is coffeeandacardigan.blogspot.com! Click here.

It's a work in progress. I have been having some wonderful adventures in my new village of a city, Mount Angel. Come follow me!

Spring has not Sprung

2010-03-08T20:09:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again...

At the first hint of spring I pack away all my warm clothing so that I am freezing until June. Seriously. Right now I am wearing a knee-length brown jersey skirt, a purply-red tank, a hoodie, and my favorite orange mary janes. I am suffering, lemme tell you.

It is also that time of year when I break out my favorite book, The Blue Castle. This book just makes me happy. I laugh and cry and laugh and cry every time I read it. It is written by the much-loved Canadian author L.M. Montgomery who is most famous for her "Anne" stories, which are also very good. I read it every year without fail and I need a new copy. For one, the paperback cover is falling off. Secondly, this mass-market publication is riddled with minor typos. Thirdly and Most-Importantly, the cover. The godawful cover:

It looks like a trashy romance novel! First of all, the main characters are not fashion models. That is a vital point of the story. It takes place waaaay before the 80s, so that fella needs to cut his hair and actually wear the sweater. The cover is painfully deceiving. Full-o-Angst. And it looks like it is the stupidest book ever written. Which it is not. And that is why it is my favorite book.

Alas, The Blue Castle is now out of print! I really want a hardbound version, but the cheapest that I have found is forty bones. I gave one of my two copies to my mother-in-law because she enjoyed it so much. I am glad I did, because she takes care of things extremely well.

I am moderately cold. I am going to swallow my pride and pull my garishly-plaid flannel pj's out of the depths of the wintry boxes. Sigh.

Let It Snow, Baby

2010-01-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

Portland hasn't gotten any good, sticky, staying snow yet this year. Boo! Last year in early December, we had the most splendid snowstorm that the news referred to as "The Arctic Blast". Portland has no way of dealing with snow--- no salt, gravel, sand, or effective snowplows-- so the entire city completely shuts down. Darin, Rowena, and I had a wonderful week of baking, starlit walks in the empty roads, no work obligations, hot chocolate and cider, and togetherness. Oh, how I wish the snow-angels would pay us a visit this year!

To tide me over, I browsed through some of last year's snowy photos:

Our beautiful 1978 Civic, Doris:

Rowena in awe of the patio

I love my long puffy coat- it's like wearing a cute sleeping bag.

I have some jalapeño chicken sausages

and hot cider waiting to be devoured.

Cold-weather delicious food is always on the menu for me,

no matter what the temperature.

I Learn the Hard Way

2010-01-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

The last day of Christmas came and went, and our dead Christmas tree needed to be disposed of.

"I'm going to burn it!" I said. Darin mildly protested, and I got my way. I put it on the patio and tentatively put a match to a middle branch. "I really shouldn't do this," I thought, but my hand didn't obey. As a result, the tree burst into flames. I panic.

In true Louise-luck-fashion, the doorbell rang when the fire reached its peak. Why, hello! Enter Karen and her husband, two clients of Darin's here to drop off their virus-ridden computer. So utterly embarrassing.

Fifteen minutes later, a fireman knocked at our back door. I ran past Darin so I could take the blame for the fire. After apologizing profusely, "Mr. Fireman" (which I so stupidly called him) kindly told me that backyard fires are illegal but he would not fine me. He even waved goodbye enthusiastically to the very interested Rowena before he and his two friends took their leave.

The best part? For your viewing pleasure, we got the burning on tape. You can hear poor Rowena's protests, my panicky I-shouldn't-have-done-thats, Darin's stern you-shouldn't-have-done-thats, Karen's hilarious reaction, and there's even a ball of fire headed towards the house combined with a bleeped-out curse word from Darin! Enjoy.

Disclaimer form Darin: He wanted to delete the sound from the video because of his harsh demeanor, but rest-assured that he was very supportive after the firemen left, comforting me each time I frantically ran to the window in fear of more authorities (which was every ten minutes or so).

Straighten Up

2010-01-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

We recently had a Pizza & Game night with our Portland pals Patty and Keenan. It was great to catch up after the crazy holiday season. And what better way to celebrate than with experimenting with my hair straightener?

Patty's beautiful curls before:

And the after. Rowena (who was too excited to sleep just yet)

was very content to cuddle with "Pappy".

Isn't this a gorgeous picture? Sheesh.

To no one's surprise, Keenan wanted to get into the action, too.

Just look at those shiny tendrils!

The unfortunate result:

Keenan is such a good sport! He even wore one of Roey's little pink clips to keep his bangs back during Whoonu.

Good Intentions

2010-01-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

So, I almost wrote a great blog for today. I had a fancy article planned regarding how to turn a spring nightgown into a winter dress. Unfortunately, none of the pictures turned out and Rowena kept running in front of the camera. (How does one take pictures of oneself in the mirror, anyway?) I'll have to have Darin take some pictures later. After a month of crunches.

Random food note-- We had meatloaf last night. I make it with steel-cut oats as the binder, and it works out so much better than the regular stuff! I discovered it accidentally a while back when we didn't have any quick oats on hand.

'Til next time!

Disturbing Behavior

2010-01-04T13:44:00.001-08:00

My brother David (who gets home from Iraq today for a 2-week visit- YAY) gave me a candle tin a few years ago. Inside this tin was not a candle, nor anything scented or soothing. Nestled inside was a dirty doll head with matted hair and freakish blue eyes. I have always kept this trinket for sentimental reasons and it's just so funny to see people's perplexed reactions when they open it.

Darin took some interesting pictures of Doll Head today with Rowena's assistance. I just had to share them.

"Can I have a hug?"

This last one is very dark and blurry,

which makes it all the more creepy.

Well, have a weirdly wonderful day!

We are having some friends over for dinner and an "Inglourious Basterds" viewing.

See you soon!

Brownie Sunday

2010-01-03T14:26:00.000-08:00

I had all these nuts and cocoa powder in the pantry that I had to use up, so I whipped up a batch of my favorite brownies. This recipe is so easy and non-chaotic that you'll never resort to boxed brownies again.*

I actually ground up the hazelnuts, almonds, walnuts, and cashews in my not-so-Magic Bullet and it made this crumbly sort of butter. I simply sprinkled the concoction on top of the batter after I pried it from Darin's grasp. The brownies aren't done yet, but the house smells so good right now-- chocolate and nuts swirled with the omnipresent spice candle.

* Disclaimer-- My sisters Lili and Faith do not like this recipe. For unknown reasons, it did not turn out well for them. I think that they must have been distracted when baking, because I am a lesser cook and have made these brownies successfully several times.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T21:46:00.000-08:00

Hullo, copious amounts of devoted readers! Much love to you and your families on this first day of the year and (for you Cathaholics) happy Feast Day of Mary, Mother of God!

Here are some resolutions of mine to help get you started:

1) Schedule a time to exercise each day instead of my usual randomness.

2) Eat less sugar. I am not currently pregnant and have not been for almost 2 years-- so quit it, you!

3) Learn to not buy things just because they are on sale. 'Basically free' is not free.

4) Burn more incense.

5) Sew, sew, sew! Force mom to sew something with me.

6) Write a letter a week. (A real live paper letter! That one puts in the mailbox! With a stamp and everything! Gee whiz!)

7) Be more loving.

8) Have a baby.

9) Keep the house clean and beautiful.

10) Buy red boots. (I need them. I really do.)

11) Store up treasures in heaven! Pray more.

12) Read good books and watch good movies. (This is slight cheating, because I do this anyway. I am currently reading Chesterton's Father Brown mysteries and am going to start watching Rope in a moment.)

Good luck with your resolutions! May you keep them and avoid breaking their little nagging hearts.

Christmas Tibidgins

2009-12-27T16:58:00.000-08:00

My sister Faith's spiced cocoa and homemade marshmallows was delicious.

Darin made Rowena this wonderful little kitchen-- she's a lucky little girl!

It's a big hit.

In My Own Little Corner

2009-11-28T13:29:00.000-08:00

I really love this corner above our bedroom fireplace. It's the first thing you see when you come in. I think it's the combination of stuffed childhood friends, stacked hats, Fred Astaire, cherished books, and robin's egg blue that gets me.

I purchased the middle print during my most recent Michigan trip. My dear chum Natalie and I found it at a wonderful curio ship in downtown Plymouth. I also have an attachment to those seafoamy curtains. My mother bought them at a garage sale when I was a teenager, and I've had them in every bedroom I've lived in ever since. The dainty pale blue and yellow embroidery along the sides is just the best.

Long live pretty bedroom corners!

Thanks

2009-11-25T16:06:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for so much this holiday: family, friends, husband, daughter, cat, acquaintances, mild windy weather, Jesus, the ever-changing trees, warm and pretty clothing, French press coffee, good books, and my duvet... the list goes on and on.

:: Rowena's handholds

:: Mom hugs

:: Browsing through Etsy

:: Waking up at 3 a.m. on Black Friday to work with my friends.

:: Anticipating my Christmas stocking (I will always be six on Christmas morning)

:: Dad's repetitive lessons and observations

:: Sturdy boots to clomp around in

:: Darin's bedhead

:: Amazon DVD sales

:: My black shift dress and camel cowlneck sweater

:: Rowena, Rowena, Rowena. My heartbeat.

:: Any blog readers that I may have

:: Turkey, cranberries, garlicy mashed potatoes, ham with mustard, too much pie, and the like.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Love at $20 a Pair

2009-11-23T19:16:00.000-08:00

I am always searching for a good pair of shoes. Lately, the criteria includes a versatile classic boot not made in China-land. Of course, the only boots really worth investing in are Fryes. I mean, Confederate soldiers wore the Frye Harness boot! Not taking sides here, but their military garb sure was cool-lookin'. Unfortunately, at circa 200 bones a pair, Frye boots are out of the question.

A shoe-mazing thing happened today... the story begins yesterday. On Craiglist of all places! I found 2 brand-spanking new pairs of Frye Harness boots for $20 dollars a pair. You should probably read the last sentence again, because it's amazing. What's even more fantastic is that I was the one who claimed them yesterday, paid and received for them today, and am currently wearing them! (Black on left, brown on right.) The nice, saintly lady who sold them was really surprised how popular they are: "I just can't wait to delete all those emails about those darn shoes!" The boots were just gathering dust and cobwebs in the back of her closet!

Darin is currently purchasing mink oil from Freddy's so I can give my new babies a bath. Sigh... I am just so materialistically happy about them.

For Shame

2009-08-18T09:44:00.000-07:00

I have the best blog in cyberspace. In my head.

So sorry I haven't kept up. It's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact, it's just the opposite. Where the bloody hell do I begin?

Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.

The profession of Mothering has been on my mind a lot lately. This is probably because I have been a mother for almost 2 years. I thought I would hate it, but I love it extremely. Rowena is a wonderful little person and I adore her. I work barely ten hours a week outside the home just so I can laugh with her and play with her and cook with her and be with her. You really ought to meet this little nymphlet.

I often meet new people in Portland. One of their first questions is, "What do you do?" I automatically panic every time.

Will they judge me? Will they think I am wasting my young 26-year-old life? Will they feel sorry for me? Oh my gosh... am I wasting my life?

Last night at Ikea, Rowena joyfully puttered from one display to the next, unintelligibly chattering about the experience. It was really darling. As she toddled past a fellow customer, he said to his friend,

"That reminds me- I need to buy some condoms."

He did not say this in a cruel manner, but his statement truly hurt me. Doesn't he see what a wonderful person Rowena is? Doesn't he see that her existence makes the world a better place? Doesn't he understand that Rowena is the future and hope of the world he lives in?

I didn't react to what the man said, and perhaps I should have. I could proceed to explain what a noble profession I have, but I won't. It's been said much better by others. I really am proud of what I do, and I hope to gain the courage to show it more. The best thing I can do to get a little respect as a mother is to raise Rowena as a loving, happy, responsible person- and often read her "Miss Rumphius".

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVELY

2009-04-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

Dearest Rowena,

Thank you for giving me such an incredible year. You are the sweetest, gentlest, funniest girl. EVER. You have made me a stronger, better person. You make this world more beautiful just by your existence. You are my reason. Thanks, kiddo. Happy birthday.

Love,
Mom

After noon Mass, (which Ro spent happily yelping in the back of the church) Darin and I went to Rocco's for a couple slices of pepperoni/garlic/artichoke pizza. We then met Patty and Keenan at Stumptown. Always delicious. (This was directly after a homeless man bellowed "Happy Birthday" to Little Ro.) I usually go to ST at night when all their pastries are snagged, but today we got lucky and enjoyed their chocolate chip cookie and flourless brownie cookie. Amazingly delicious and different. Darin enjoyed a raspberry Italian soda while I had a trusty ol' vanilla latte:

Rowena loves her Aunt Patty, who is simply phenomenal with children (and dons awesome t-shirts):

It was a lovely 75 degrees in P-Town today... thus all the bikes were out, including these beauties:
When we got home, Mom was waiting for us with a brand new, homemade sock monkey for the birthday girl!
Seriously, could she be any more like her mother? Just look at that mischievous face.

Please send happy thoughts out way, as we are FLYING tomorrow! I am off to clean up the bedroom while watching American Idol, that God-forsaken train-wreck I just can't stop watching. Then off to bed and up at 5. Ugh.

Happy Birthday, Rowena! Thank you for making our lives that much fuller!

Everything Old is New Again

2009-04-07T17:29:00.001-07:00

So, what do you think? I think that my freshly painting craft station is just what the sewing fairies ordered. I really love it. I especially love the flower on the middle drawer:

I considered replacing the hardware, but I decided not to for two reasons.
1) I would have bought them from Anthropologie, thus spending fifty more dollars, thus forsaking my twenty dollar budget.
2) I actually love the contrast between the ultra-femme robin's egg blue and the gothic hardware.

Here is a peek inside one of the drawers, bursting with rick-rack, bias tape, buttons (gimme more), and old doilies:
I also lined the drawers with olive green floral contact paper, procured from our local Fred Meyer. I have enough left over to line my dresser and vanity. Thoughts? Criticisms? Hugs? Hanky-panky?

The Before Picture

2009-04-01T17:06:00.001-07:00

The minute I saw this desk on Craigslist, I knew I had to have it. I think it was the daisy in the center that did me in. And the Ten Dollar price tag. I knew it was the future home of all Louise Things Crafty. Darin was a darling and woke up early to pick it up, and found an ingenious way to strap the thing on top of Spence (our trusty Honda).

I cleaned, sanded, and painted it myself! (Well, Darin painted the second coat without my knowledge... he's quite a speedy helper mouse.) I haven't taken pictures yet, but it is sitting in my bedroom cheery and Charlie Brown sticker-free! I will post the 'after' picture asap. Have a super day!

And if you think about it, please say a little prayer for my beloved brother David, who left for military duty today. He insists that that worst thing that could happen to him is a paper cut, (he's a lawyer JAG guy) but I will still miss him terribly.

One Man's Junk

2009-03-09T12:06:00.001-07:00

This past weekend, I attended the Antique and Collectible Show in Portland with meine Mutti. We had a wonderful time, perusing the random booths and bargaining with the sellers. I even met the actress who played Zuzu in "It's a Wonderful Life!" She was a lovely woman, but it made me a little sad... she sold IAWL cookbooks and posters and other memorabilia. I am glad that she wasn't a typical child star (crack by 9, dead by 15), but you could tell that Zuzu was all she had. Know what I mean? Sigh. I felt so guilty that I bought an overpriced cookbook.

Anyhow, here are some of my favorite purchases...

How sweet are these little fabric bundles? And I love love love that sunflowery concoction!

I heart the top clock pattern! Definitely my current favorite. The best thing about the fabric? The Fabric Lady threw in a pair of mint-condition hardbound 1930s Complete Sherlock Holmes! I was so grateful! Wherever you are, Fabric Lady, I thank thee.

Rowena wanted to put her little sticky fingers all over it, but restrained herself.

The darkness of the photo doesn't do my new doll justice, but I just love her. She was made in Hungary; any good name suggestions?

I also scored some new/old embroidered pillowcases for our bed:

They do this show every 3 1/2 months! I cannot wait until July!
I want to get my hands on more treasure.

I Think I Need This

2009-01-28T17:34:00.000-08:00

How adorable would this dress be with little white gloves and t-strap pumps? The collar is utterly delicious. This one is on my ever-growing Easter dress list.

Spring Awakening

2009-01-21T11:15:00.003-08:00

I love spring.

The very day the WC rain subsides and the sun pops through the frigidity, I am instantly thrown back to happy college days on the quad, rosy cheeks, watching boys play football, fields of purple heather, rainy kisses, horseback riding...

I especially love spring clothes. All I crave this time of year are nautical pieces... blue stripes, canary yellow raincoats, halter-neck tops, flowy skirts, kelly green anything, with a side of tan shoulders. When Rowena goes down for her nap, (and the chores are relatively done... or started) I immediately browse online shops and magazines. I am (surprisingly?) very impressed with Old Navy's selection this season. Their spring collection is brimming with watercolor prints, frilly tops, deliciously saturated colors, polka-dots, and ruffles. There's something positively freeing about eschewing poly blends in favor of cotton voile. Sigh of happiness... I can't wait to wear the clothes I love.

What is your must-have spring item? Enlighten me, and increase my wants.

New Year, New Life

2009-01-16T14:37:00.000-08:00

Darin stands at the mirror with grim eyebrows, pounding his barely-there tummy, growling "Cellulite! Cellulite! Arrggh!" I half-smile indulgently, recalling my earlier aversion of the mirror at Jazzercise for fear of seeing that beached sea lion body I am currently trapped inside. Ah, me.

I have been coaxing/nagging Darin to take health and fitness more seriously for months now. It is extremely difficult to eat responsibly and exercise daily with an eternally skinny husband who frequently brings home pastries and chocolaty delicacies. Recently though, something finally clicked with the little man.

"Hey Louise, did you know that you can control your own metabolism?"

Yes, I've told you that before.

"Hon, to use the Abslide effectively, use your stomach muscles, not your arms!"

I know, I told you that 2 months ago.

"You can't spot reduce!"

O to the M to the G, my "Workout for Dummies" DVD has bellowed that info since I used it in college!

I am immediately reminded of this fantastic passage from Little Women:

Amy's lecture did Laurie good, though, of course, he did not own it till long afterwards; men seldom do, for when women are the advisors, the lords of creation don't take the advice till they have persuaded themselves that it is just what they intended to do; then they act upon it, and, if it succeeds, they give the weaker vessel half the credit of it; if it fails, they generously give her the whole.

I don't think anyone can seriously disagree with the above statement. Anyway, Darin and I have made some lifestyle changes and have been successful in implementing them! Proud? Surprised? You should be.

Limiting sugar. This sounds like a no-brainer, but pregnancy trained me to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted it. A terrible mentality to apply to anything. I don't let the last thing I eat for the day be sweet.

No eating past 7 pm. I wake up hungry now, sometimes in the middle of the night! Instead of grabbing crackers, I drink a full glass of water.

Keeping up with my exercise routine. I Jazzercise about 4 times a week, and with the nice weather, I will start bike riding again. Jazzercise is the absolute best! The trick is finding the best instructors- let's just say I avoid Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Same blasted class set every blasted time. She just alternates the stretch routine.

Eating until satisfied, not full. Doing this keeps me more in tune with my body and ups my energy.

These small lifestyle changes have made D and I happier, already healthier, and more in tune with each other. I greatly appreciate his encouragement and accountability. This is not a diet or fad, but a lifestyle. More about my motivation in my next blog post.

In the name of spring dresses, I will succeed!

I Confess

2008-10-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest.

I confess that I make a mini-pot of coffee every morning. The first cup is out of necessity. The second and a half cup is because I love the taste.

I confess that I cleaned the kitchen this afternoon in my new black pumps.

I confess that I stole and ate most of Darin's hidden chocolate.

I confess that I love some nieces and nephews more than others.

I confess that I threw away Darin's "King Arthur" dvd because it sucks so bad.

I confess that I forgot to give Roey a bath for almost 2 weeks.

I confess that I have eaten my coworker's leftovers she threw away. (One time, okay?)

I confess that my daughter is perfect; I pity people that aren't her mother.

I confess that Roey and I sleep in until 11 am every morning.

I confess that I love going into work so I can miss my baby.

I confess that I am kind of in TV love with Jim Halpert.

I confess that I have imagined killing the yippy neighbor dog.

I confess that I avoid Facebook as of late because I miss my friends so badly. It just hurts too much sometimes.

I confess that I spend some afternoons raiding my closet and making outfits.

I confess that I drink the last bit of wine from the bottle. No wine glass needed.

I confess that I intentionally ripped Darin's high-school underwear so he would make the conscious decision to dispose of it.

I confess that I only have an active MySpace account to spy on Darin's coworkers. Their concepts of relationships are so foreign to me... definitely voyeuristic on my part.

I confess that Roey almost just fell out of my lap.

Before I Forget: Rowena's Birth Story

2008-04-17T13:33:00.004-07:00

It was Ikea's fault.

Darin and I took a fancy to the red dresser this Swedish mega-mall had advertised for almost $300. Crafty and frugal Darin decided to recreate it, only better, and for half the price. We bought the wood, red stain, and other supplies and headed to my dad's garage an hour south from our house. I, being 8 months pregnant and lazy, took advantage of Mom and Dad's cable and watched HGTV with Flava Flav's degenerate dating show as backup. Darin busied himself in the workshop like a man.

The next morning consisted of Mass with Mom and Pops followed by lattes with classic film as conversation. A perfect morning, in my opinion. We all headed up to my brother and sister-in-law's home to prepare for a baby's arrival. Long story short, they were planning to take care of a practically homeless 3-month old girl until further arrangements could be made for adoption to another family. We busily cleaned the kitchen while Mom went for a food run. Bad timing, Ma.

As I leaned over to remove a laptop from the table, I felt a warm gush of fluid escape from you-know-where. My first reaction? "Man, I got my period! Oh, wait." I held my legs together the best I could and hopped to the bathroom. I dropped my pants, held my breath, and looked. My next reaction? "OH S%#@! Um, Darin? Lili? Dad? My water broke." The just-cleaned bathroom was not so clean anymore, but my sis-in-law was wonderful and cleaned up my natural gumbo like a pro.

Me, terrified: "Lili? Am I having a miscarriage?"
Lili, steadily looking at me: "I don't know, Louise."
So glad I can now laugh at that moment.

There was a point when I was alone in the bathtub for what seemed like an hour. My family was running around making phone calls and collectively freaking, forgetting the exploding young woman in the bathtub. "I'm lonely and scared! Someone come talk to me!" Never happened until Darin came in (from calling the hospital and consulting the internet) and helped me dress. Lili supplied me with panties, sweats, and a huge bottle of Melaleuca all-purpose cleaner and we were off to the hospital.

We arrived at triage, my life completely changing before my eyes. I went up to the front desk and announced to the underage nurse, "My water broke. I am having a baby." She responded with an apathetic, "Name please?" I wanted to shake her shoulders and say, "I don't think you understand. My water broke. I am having a baby."

Another apathetic young woman who I barely remember took me to a room where Darin and I started watching Return of the King. Appropriate. I got strapped up with thingies that tracked my contractions and baby's heartbeat. The contractions felt just like menstrual cramps. I could handle it. It was 4 p.m. and I hadn't eaten anything that day save the vanilla latte after church. My worthless nurse (whom I will henceforth refer to as No-face) said that I could only have "clears"- Jello, juice, water. I ate the Jello with gusto and tried to relax. Mom and Dad were in the room and we were all having a relatively easy-going time. I don't think I really believed that I was having a baby. No-face came back in and informed me that her shift was over, so I was getting a new nurse. I gave No-face an enthusiastic good-bye. Enter Diana.

Without Diana, my birthing experience would not have happened. Rowena would still be in my womb, scratching up my uterine walls. Diana was a source of calm and happiness, invaluable qualities to a girl in my situation. She was about 50-odd years, with six children under her belt. She never-once blinked an eye when I yelled in pain when she checked my centimeter progress. She happily cleaned up my Jello-y vomit on the bathroom floor. (Now there was a dilemma. I was on the toilet... wondering what she would rather clean up on the floor. Poop or vomit? Poop or vomit??! I chose the latter, paying no attention to the garbage can next to me.)

There was a point when it was just Mom and Diana in the room. My contractions were getting more intense, and my future as mother was getting increasingly real. I began to cry.
"I can't do this. I am so scared. I really can't do it."
Diana took my hand and gently said, "You can do this. You can do anything."
That was somehow more encouraging than Mom's boisterous "Ready or not, you're gonna do it!" Good ol' Ma.

Diana finally asked that question. "Louise honey, have you given any thought to pain medication?"
I tried to look meditative and serious. "Oh well, I want to see if I can handle this... I would like to- Lord, let's be honest here. Yes. I definitely want an epidural!"
The pain was getting bad. I couldn't sit, or stand, or lay down. I stumbled around the room, repeating, "Dammit. Dammit." Poor Darin really didn't know what to do.

Fast forward, post-medication- about 10 p.m. I was able to take a 2-hour nap. It was the most beneficial sleep I have ever experienced. Not only did I get some stamina back, but I went from 3 centimeters to 10. The doctors were amazed at the progress and told me that I could start pushing whenever I felt like it. Even though the pain was virtually gone, I could feel every contraction. I gave some good pushes with Darin helping me up every time... "I see some hair!"... gave some half-assed pushes... "Sorry, I really didn't try that time"... felt the head crowning... "Don't push yet, Louise"... the doctors and nurses scrambled around the room retrieving stuff needed... "Okay, GO! Push!"... I pushed hard and felt a creature slide out.

Everyone crowded around the foot of the bed, talking and yelling excitedly. I fell back on my pillow, exhausted and utterly spent.
"What is it?!"
No one answered me...
"Hey! What is it!?"
Mom said, "It's a girl!!! What a dreamboat! What a dreamboat!"
"Is she okay?" I yelled.
Diana answered, "She's perfect."

Dr. T laid the naked little thing on my chest. She immediately stopped crying. She knew me. She looked up at my face. "She looks like me." I couldn't stop staring at the half-moons on her fingernails. Darin lay his head next to mine with tired tears in his eyes. I felt only one overwhelming sensation with this little baby girl in my arms: peace. That was one thing I wasn't expecting.

It was 2 a.m. and my little family was able to sleep for a few hours. Rowena slept in my arms. One of the doctors woke me a couple hours later and kindly told me, "Rowena has low blood sugar, so we are going to place her in the nursery for a few hours for testing." I answered too quickly, "Okay, fine. I understand." I didn't yet understand what to feel for this wee thing that just came out of me. I willingly gave her to the nurse. I figured I could use a few hours uninterrupted sleep. How does one sleep when something so immense and inexplicable just happened? I like lying to myself.

It was about 3 p.m. the next day and I still hadn't seen my daughter. Darin and my father had seen her earlier in the afternoon, but my stitches were fresh and my entire body throbbed with exhaustion and pain. Also? I was terrified... of my new life, believing that I would completely fail this new person. I suddenly had an intense desire to see Rowena. I limped with Darin to the nursery.

I looked around the room riddled with volunteer women rocking and feeding little babies. My eyes finally rested on a certain little red-faced furry newborn. An adorable one at that. A kind-faced woman held and fed her, happily chatting with another volunteer. My heart jumped to my throat. I needed to hold my baby. I wanted to sprint across the room and tear that little lass from the stranger's arms. Rowena was soon in my arms, peaceful and beautiful and perfect. I was a mother. I felt it in every bone and hair and painful stitch. My heart finally gave in and allowed me to love my daughter. It hurt, oh, how it hurt! The love a mother has for her child is so wonderful, yet so painful! The tears rolled down my face and wouldn't stop. I clutched her close to my aching body for an hour, just staring at her gorgeous face and half-moons on her fingernails. That hour seemed like a minute.

Rowena was a month early, so we didn't really have very many things for her. Her dresser was still in pieces in our car, the clothes that we did have were much too large (and still are!), and I had forgotten everything I read about childcare. (I still can't believe that hospitals just let you take the baby home.) Thank God for my mother. She supplied us with new blankets, dresses, and onesies and made dinner for us... brown rice and chicken. Sigh, that tasted so delicious after hospital food.

Being a mother has given me a new purpose in life. It is the most scary and awesome and crazy thing I have ever done. I didn't know that I could love something so much and so intensely. I am completely exhausted after writing this blog entry. I can't even tie in the first sentence with the last sentence. This'll have to do:

Work it Out

2007-03-24T13:19:00.000-07:00

I joined a gym last week. Since then, I have more energy, I sleep better, and my pride has been checked out the door.

I had a day off on Wednesday, so I decided to catch the noon step class. I attended Jazzercise last year and found the step class to be most invigorating. No problem, right? Oh, ignorance.

A somewhat haggard and bitter housefrau was the instructor. There was minimal instruction and complete lack of personality, except for an occasional giggle which I'm pretty sure was directed at me. The other attendees frightened me, with their perfectly toned bodies yet middle-aged faces. Have you ever witnessed this phenomenon? Not cool. Not remotely cool. My advice to them-- exercise less, eat a twinkie. In fact, the entire experience was just like a secret cultish choreographed dance that I should not have been permitted to witness. I looked like a complete fool; even the times that I completed a step correctly, I did it backwards. It didn't help that Spandex Man in front of me took the liberty of reprimanding my off-moves and pointing each direction with purpose. Shudder... Spandex Man.

The first fifteen minutes, I was ready to leave. Not only was my pride getting a beating, but my face was getting freakishly pink like it always does when I exercise. However, I stuck it out to the end and managed to avoid eye contact with every person as I stumbled out to the locker room. Huzzah!

Off to the gym. Grr, baby.

An Unsuccessful Attempt at Schmeez Droppings

2006-12-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

I feel great today. Not only is it Week #2 with my slightly-evil boss on a forced 7-month maternity leave, but I can wear my cowboy boots today. How are these two things related? You must not know me very well.

Why is it that I won't get up right now to go to the bathroom? I've felt the urge for about an hour, yet those MySpace and Facebook pages had to be updated, dammit! The world's social fate rests on whether or not I've updated my current status! No one understands me.

Darin and I are looking at condos on Friday. Mucho expensive, but we need it. It's been a blessing living in the fishbowl, but we need our own place. As do my brother and sister-in-law. It's been fun being freeloaders.

Liberals are whiny.

I need to take a shower. Get up, Louise. Come on, you need to go to work soon. You'll feel better, I promise. Your armpits won't stick together anymore if you just go take a shower. Do it. Come on, you don't even have to wash your hair. Do you remember the last time you took a shower? You need this. JUST GO!!!

Huh? What was that?!? My apologies, esteemed bloggers. Hey, Maury Povich is on!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2006-11-30T20:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a natural goth in winter. Fair skin, brownie-black hair, and chains practically dripping off my emaciated body. Okay, maybe not that last part. Nevertheless, it was time for a change.

I made an appointment with the local beauty school. They've never had the fortune of my patronage, but I remember that neon "$4.95 Haircuts" sign from my childhood. I asked the front desk lady for highlights, and I got them. Three and a half hours later. (Seriously, people! Does it truly take that long to get your hair colored?)

Ines, my very young hairdresser, was a definite newbie. When I sat down at her humble hair station, I asked what color would most compliment my skin. Her response was a look of horror, followed by, "Urg, let me get a second opinion."

While Ines put the bleach on my hair, she whimpered, "I hate coloring hair. I try to avoid it whenever I can." Thanks, Ines. Maybe you should consider a different profession. Her teacher would periodically come by, critiquing and offering suggestions. Ines complained, "Jenny, will you stop? It's creepy! Creepy!!" I just sat silently, wondering when I would be released from this chemically-imbalanced hell-hole.

Two excruciating hours later, Ines left me for awhile to let the color set. "Would you like a magazine, Louis?" Groan.

"I'd love a magazine." My bottom was getting sore, and something to read would take my mind off it.

She returned with a copy of Women and Cancer.

Anyway, here's the finished product. Something fun, something different, something I won't do again any time soon.

I Frighten Celebrities

2006-11-18T03:42:00.000-08:00

I'm not a huge TV person, but I do have my favorites (think American Idol, Malcolm in the Middle). When it comes to those few favorites, TLC's "What Not To Wear" has been my pet reality show since its birth four years ago. So, imagine my excitement when Josh hands me a flyer advertising Clinton Kelly arrival to Nordstrom's next weekend!

The day arrives. I managed to get my lunch break at 2- just in time to meet my mom and run to Nordy's. We searched the top floor, the bottom floor, the shoe section, everywhere. Clinton was nowhere to be found. Disappointed, we ambled to Starbucks for consolation in the form of chai. I went back to the world of retail, only to find that my coworkers had seen Clinton. At Macy's.

I flipped out, took my fifteen-minute break early, and rushed to Macy's in the hopes that Clinton hadn't left. He hadn't left- he was signing autographs! I tried to get in line, but a Macy's wench had cut it off. I hurried to the front of the line and saw him. He looked just like he looks on TV, only taller, cuter, and much nicer-smelling. He was busy signing books, bodyguards in tow, horribly dressed overweight women fawning over him asking, "How do I look?" He cheerfully responded, "Awful." That's my Clinton.

I desperately wanted his attention. I had to say something. Something brilliant. Something that would make him remember me. If I didn't I would regret it for the rest of my- - - day. For heaven's sake, I was standing five feet in front of him! I shrieked,

"Clinton, I love you! I've been looking all over for you! I thought you were at Nordstrom!"

Sheesh. Clinton's reaction? See below.

Is he a vampire? An angry cat? Joe Hemmerling imitating Father Roy? NO!

Clinton Kelly is laughing at my wit. Laughing at ME! With bonus eye contact! *sigh*

I sprinted back to work happily; unbeknownst to me, my mother was on the receiving end of a "warm and strong" hug from Mr. Kelly at that very moment. Wench.

Like Totally

2006-11-17T05:00:00.000-08:00

Here's a dumb survey that I recently contributed to MySpace, the spawn of Satan.
The sole reason I even have a MySpace account is to piss off my sister. And meet middle-aged men.

01. You have 10 bucks and need to get snacks at a gas station. What do you get?
Twinkies, gum, and Snapple

02. IF YOU WERE REINCARNATED AS SOME SORT OF SEA DWELLING CREATURE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Dolphin

03. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE REDHEAD?
Natalie!

04. WHAT DO YOU ORDER WHEN YOU'RE AT AN IHOP?
An omelette! With coffee and pancakes.

05. LAST BOOK YOU READ?
Ordeal by Innocence, by Agatha Christie

06. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Nope.

07. DESCRIBE YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR.
Gasp! Stretchy boy shorts, if you must know.

08. DESCRIBE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE INJURED?
A cat scratch from Maestro, yesterday.

09. OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WITH WHOM WOULD YOU WANT TO BE STUCK IN A WELL?
Katherine- she's brilliant, entertaining, and would have us out in no time.

10. ROCK CONCERT, OR SYMPHONY?
Symphony

11. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

12. SODA?
Dr. Pepper

13. FLAVOR OF PUDDING?
Chocolate- the kind that you actually cook on the stove.

14. COLOR OF SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING?
Red/ pink stripe

15. PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION?
Not yet.

16. IF YOU COULD USE ONLY ONE FORM OF TRANSPORTATION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A little convertible that flies

17. HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
around 50

18. HOW MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
All except Tom.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Darin's outbursts of song

20. MOST RECENT MOVIE YOU'VE WATCHED IN THEATERS?
"Letter to Three Wives" -Classic Movie Tuesdays!

21. IF YOU COULD INVENT ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Cure for all cancer

22. NAME AN ACTOR/ACTRESS YOU'VE HAD THE HOTS FOR.
Jimmy Stewart

23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CITY?
Parts of Salem, Portland, and Ypsi

24. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CAKE?
Yellow with ganache on top

25. WHAT'S THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES TO MIND RIGHT NOW?
Poop!

26. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM IN PERSON?
Last night

27. WHO GOT YOU TO JOIN MYSPACE?
Society

28. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?
Tacos

29. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RESIDING IN THE CURRENT CITY YOU LIVE IN?
4 months

30. IS TOM ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Yeah- why again?

31. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU SAID OUTLOUD?
"Darin, what's the last thing I said out loud?"

32. LOOK TO YOUR LEFT. WHAT DO YOU SEE?
A prayer book Darin picked up at Church

33. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT SPENT $100 ON YOU?
Darin

SAD SECTION
01. Have you ever really cried your heart out?: Yes.
02. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes.
03. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes.
05. Do you cry when you get an injury?: More out of frustration than anything.
06. Do certain songs make you cry?: If I'm in the right mood. "Lighthouse" by Nickel Creek does it for me sometimes.

HAPPY SECTION
01. Are you a happy person?: Yes.
02. What can always make you happy?: Kittens
03. Do you wish you were happier?: Yes
04. Is being happy overrated?: Huh?
05. Can music make you happy?: Of course! It's food for the soul.

HATE SECTION
01. Who do you actually hate?: Unfortunately, I hate one person.
02. Have you ever made a hit list?: No!
03. Have you ever been on a hit list?: I sure hope not!
04. Are you a mean bully?: No, I am a softy.
05. Do you hate George Bush?: No. There's enough hate in the world.

SELF ESTEEM SECTION
1. Do you think you are good looking?: Sometimes.
2. Do you wish you could be someone else? No. I like me.

APPEARANCE
01. Current hair color? Nutty brown
02. Whats your natural color?: Nuttier brown
03. What color are your eyes?: Poop brown
05. Straight Hair or Curls?: Straight and unruly

CURRENTLY WEARING.
01. What shirt are you wearing?: I changed into a black T.
02. Shorts/pants?: Flannel striped pants
03. Shoes?: Socks
04. Necklaces?: Yes, my Holy Spirit necklace

THIS OR THAT
01. Rock or rap?: Rock
03. Wild night out or romantic night in?: Out, then in afterwards.
05. Hummer or Sports Car?: Sports car.
06. Bracelet or Necklace?: Necklace
07. History or Science?: History
08. Sleep in or early to rise?: Sleep in, but I wish I wanted to rise early.
09. Beach or Boardwalk?: Beach
10. Hoodie or Tee Shirt?: Hoodie.
11. Night or Day?: Day
12. High School or College?: College
13. California or Florida?: Cali!!!
14. Love at first sight or learn to love?: Learn to love

HAVE YOU EVER
01. Hugged someone?: Are you serious?
02. Been on the phone until the sun came up?: No.
03. Put a song on repeat for more than an hour?: No.
04. Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: No.

LASTS
01. Last person you talked to in person: Darin
02. Person you talked to online?: Angel
03. Person you talked to on the phone?: My sister Sarah
04. Person you texted?: I never text.
05. Person to text you?: Some perv from Myspace.

MISC. SECTION
01. Do you like surveys?: Yes
02. What kind of shampoo do you use?: John Frieda's Brunette
03. You get along with your parents?: Yes
04. Do you have mental breakdowns?: I get emotional and frustrated sometimes.
05. Did you ever fake being sick?: No, actually. I should try it.
CURRENT
01. Current mood?: Mellow
02. Current music?: Folk
03. Current hair?: Absolutely perfect. ;-)
04. Current desktop picture?: Jesus on the Cross, actually. It keeps me focused.

Now you completely know me.

My So-Called Hemorroid

2006-11-16T11:04:00.000-08:00

Here are the pictures you've all been waiting for! Enter into the mysterious life of Louise.
No turning back now.

My 14-year-old dog, Pepper.
She's Basset, Cocker Spaniel, Dachshund, and Beagle

The view from the back porch and kitchen. There are usually about 50 sheep in the field. This is also where the coyotes like to be at night.

My brother and sister-in-law's wonderful dog, Fiona.
She kills raccoons! Fetches sticks! Rolls in poop! Loves to be held! Runs like hell!

This is Panda, the sweetest kitten of them all. I saved her life a few weeks ago when she have a horrible sinus infection.

She's a little bit inbred, though. Her father also happens to be her grandpa.

This is The Fishbowl.
It has just enough room for our couch, bed, and computer. To the left is the main house where Dave and Lili live- we use their kitchen and bathroom.

This is Darin's kitten, Milton. He loves to sit on Darin's shoulder for hours. Speaking of Darin, he has his own blog now.

And yes, that is mac & cheese next to Milton.

I named this bully of a hen after my college friend Katherine, in honor of her family's chicken farm. Heil!

I'm a pretty lucky person.

Cup o' Corn Squeezins

2006-09-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm a hick, my overall mentality has slightly changed.

I used to check people. com twice a day- now I check email once a week when I visit my parents with their highly-advanced Netscape dial-up.

Dawson's Creek reruns and reality TV has been replaced with George MacDonald and Red Rose tea.

My current idea of a microwave is setting a plate of food in the sun, ready to eat in one hour.

Because T-Mobile in Oregon is useless, I have no contact with faraway friends, enemies, or acquaintances. I would write, but I don't have anyone's address.

I think my car used to be green.

I'm surprised I can actually remember how to type on this keyboard. I'm going a little nutty, pardner. Thank God I'm starting Jazzercise tomorrow.

i am not worthy

2006-09-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

I am a disgrace to the blogging community. Therefore, I will humble myself by forsaking capitalization.

life is beautiful, hectic, always fun, and always mentally-ill. darin and i work constantly, commuting to work an hour each way. we just moved in with my brother and sister-in-law, so the commute will incredibly lessen. we have a little house that is right next to theirs- just enough room for books, couch, and bed. we call it "the fishbowl" because of the huge windows and lack of curtains.

living in the countryside has been amazing. the best things in life- berry-picking at sunrise, washing my face with the garden hose, cuddling newborn kittens, the glorious view of mountains and forest, the river within walking distance... i am in heaven!

i just discovered that my college friend anna just moved to the very farm that dave and lili rent on! right across the street! it's wonderful to have someone so close so near to me. i was in serious need of feminine companionship.

i still feel really guilty for not posting. bloody hell, i'll abandon punctuation as well!

thanks for reading my blog i will make more of an effort to post i am now managing at the biggest gap in oregon i am excited to relinquish my peon status why doesn't my brother have internet how can i live rather how can you live without my wisdom and schmeez droppings

uggghhh now i know what rosie odonnells sick blog feels like

A $2000 Friendship

2006-08-09T16:57:00.000-07:00

It all started when my sister had a hankering for some hair dye.

We walked three blocks to the local market, chatting and pondering what color she should try. Fifteen minutes later, we made the purchase (a chocolatey-brown for those who are interested) and exited the building.

Both of us stopped abruptly in our tracks. There she was.

Friends, meet Doris. My new car.

Long live 'For Sale by Owner' cars in the parking lot!

The End is Near

2006-07-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well, the two-week Southern Cali vacation is over- Darin and I head back up to the Pacific Northwest today. And not a moment too soon! I miss the hot days and cool nights, the best coffee in North America, the crisp air, the occasional cloudy sky... By the way, cloudy days in the PN are gorgeous, not depressing- I've called them "Poet's Days" since I was nine.

One thing I am not looking forward to? Seeing Dad in his underwear.

It's inevitable. There hasn't been a single visit without seeing my pasty father in his sick, white, thinning briefs. The question is, when? When I collect clean clothes from the dryer? A bathroom visit at 3 am? My morning coffee? Nothing is safe anymore, I tell you!

I must remember not to raise my voice after he goes to bed. If anything comes in the way between Dad and the Sandman, take warning sailor. A naked monster will emerge, grunting exclamations: "Uh? Ugh? I'm trying to sleep! Uh!"
*shudder*

I'll keep you posted.

On a fully-clothed note, my uncle gave me an exquisite amber necklace in gratitude for house and dog-sitting while he was in Poland. He doesn't surprise me with the unwelcome sights of hairless thighs and saggy rears.

One year

2006-07-22T04:56:00.000-07:00

Today is my first wedding anniversary. Hot diggity dog! There is no emoticon for what I am feeling right now.

This past year proved to be a dysfunctional cornucopia of laughter, uncertainty, pain, joy, and bodily functions. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Yeah, somewhat like the French Revolution.

I made a most important discovery about myself. I make a very poor wife. Before you start consoling the computer ("Oh, Louise, don't say that!"), it's completely true. In our first year of marriage, I barely cooked, cleaned, paid bills, or contributed to any sort of marital duties.

Whoa. That was harder to type than I thought.

This caused a few difficulties, as you can imagine. Darin as the responsible man of all men, myself as the somewhat inconsiderate roommate. (It didn't help that we had almost opposite work/school schedules, resulting in too many lonely nights.) We argued about it, I cried and pouted, Darin grunted... He wanted to know exactly why I wouldn't help him. I didn't even know. It took a good eight months to figure out why I, a hardworking and compassionate person, a 'dem fine gel', could not bring myself to take on the role of WIFE.

Sacrifice.

I couldn't do it. If I committed myself to this marriage whole-heartedly, I would lose myself. I would lose my individuality, my person. I would lose Louise. This thought was excruciating. I like me.

Why did it take almost eight months to realize this? Well, I am Louise, after all. But now that I know what was holding me back from giving God and Darin all that I can possibly give, it can be fixed. "I'm not dead yet!"

And can I say how happy I am to be back home? Apartment living in Southern Michigan really brings out the worst in people. So glad to be home. It's much easier to sacrifice. (OK, that was meant to be ironic.) Sigh... And through it all, my husband still likes me.

This one's Accredited.

2006-05-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

The University of Blogging

Presents to
Louise

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Emo

Majoring in
Self Deprecation

Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com

�

Two Names You Go By:
1. Weezy
2. Lou

Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Czech
2. Native American (but not enough to get a scholarship)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Orange beads
2. Black bermudas

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Laughter
2. Risk

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Playing in water
2. Reading while taking a hot bath

Two Things You Want Really Badly At The Moment:
1. for Elliott Yamin to win American Idol
2. Summer clothes

Two pets you had/have:
1. My beloved cat Lulabelle
2. My deaf/blind/awesome mutt Pepper

Two people who will fill this out:
1. Angel
2. Emily

Two things you did last night:
1. Watched American Idol
2. Drank chai

Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Travel Cafe in Portland
2. Red Robin

Two things you ate today:
1. Latte for breakfast
2. Chili dog for lunch

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Darin
2. Mona

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Working
2. Playing with Meghan and Mona???

Two longest car rides:
1. From Oregon to Ohio last summer
2. From St. Paul to San Bernandino on NET

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Thanksgiving

Reunion!

2006-05-09T04:54:00.000-07:00

Per request, feast your googly eyes on some pictures from my alma mater's reunion. There is no need for further text.

All the Spirit Award recipients in the history of AMC

Torie managed to get her uncle's awesome swing band to perform

It just wouldn't be an Ave function without frightening a beloved professor

I can't stand this guy.

Sean and Thom: The truth is OUT!

Erica and Louise: together again. RUN AWAY!

I peer-pressured Angel into having one more drink.

Hey, I can look like a normal person!
The possibilities!

That's Family!

2006-05-04T17:41:00.000-07:00

The oddest little imp of a friend stayed over last night. Angel manages to spread joy good advice wherever she goes. Angel's cure for AIDS:

"Be straight. Be monogamous. Don't boink the first person you meet in a bathhouse."

Yes, it's wonderful to have her around again.

Easter was a month ago, but I suffer yet from its effects. Darin and I spent a few days at 'the laws'... I'm simply going to describe Easter dinner, for one needs nothing else to understand.

Mr. Dad, Mrs, Mom, Crabby Grandma, Deaf Grandpa, brother Eric, Darin, and I chewing on a simple Easter feast...

I greet Grandma with a "It's good to see you again!"

Three. Second. Pause.

She finally responds with a high-pitched "Yeah!"

The meal conversation consists of the medication Grandma and Grandpa consistently take. "How many pills do you take a day?" "Woo! Mercy!" "Why exactly do you take them?" "I'm so glad I don't have to take any of those." "How much does it cost you a month?"

"Two-hundred and fifty dollars?! Each of you?"

Mrs. Mom nibbles thoughtfully on a chunk of ham and ponders, "It seems better to die young."

I choke on my Midwestern casserole and began to laugh, hoping she isn't serious. She is.

Darin attempts to change the subjects by producing his latest piece of sculpture to Crabby Grandma. It's a two-foot bronze and plaster sculpture of a beautifully crafted pair of hands. She glances at it, sniffs, and says, "That'd make a good doorstop."

I cough nervously and ask Grandpa some commonplace question. Too late- he's pretty deaf. Grandma volunteers, "He was a pilot in the war."

"Pilot!! I wasn't no pilot! I was a mechanic!" Sheesh. I know he's her second husband and all, but sheesh.

The meal finally ends and the grown-ups retire to the family room to watch Aunt Kay's video of the newest miracle product to hit the market.

Thank God for family! They make great blog material.

Back from the dea- HOLY CRAP!

2006-04-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

Anyone get that Strong Bad reference? Ahem.

Since my blogging sabbatical, I chopped and darkened my hair, absorbed unhealthy amounts of Canadian fiction, took daily baths whether I need them or not, promoted, performed in a play, inhaled coffee, and avoided cleaning the apartment.

Oh, and I gave birth to twins and finally wrote that "I'm-Setting-the-Catholic-World-on-Fire" dramatic piece. (I hope you know I'm kidding. I'm such a kidder.)

In payment for my absence, I will share somewhat embarrassing tidbits of my newlywed life. Sorry, husband.

Darin continues to amuse me with his nocturnal chatter and odd habits. For example!

"ARGH! That's ridiculous!!"
"I'll just have some NyQuil with a side of ribs."
"I know I logged off, but it's okay."

Today I discovered that Darin cups his hands over his ears in the shower so shampoo doesn't creep in. I'm not sure why, but that's kinda cute.

And here is where I owe my darling husband an apology. A couple nights ago, Darin and buddy Carl stayed up into the wee hours working on a website. Since I had an early work day ahead of me, I crashed earlier than usual. I slept peacefully and didn't even notice when Darin scrambled into bed. My lovely slumber didn't last much longer.

I awoke to a smell... a stench, rather... a motley of sewage, burning rubber, and brown rice... I gasped and abruptly sat up.

"Did you just...?"

Darin squealed, jumped, and began fanning the blankets in attempt to dilute the foul odor, failing miserably of course. David just couldn't beat Goliath. Now, this sorry event could have ended up in divorce for some couples, but Darin and I settled our- differences- and ended the night with a tickle fight and hug. Let this be a lesson to you.

It's my bedtime, friends! Wish me luck.

Goodbye, Fat Pants

2006-03-24T08:51:00.001-08:00

An unfailing source of comfort. A non-addictive sleeping pill. Blindness to flaw. Tenderness, acceptance. Unpretentious and mysterious.

These are a mere few of the endless delights offered by my fat pants.

The palest of grey cotton jersey, the mesh of the vertical blue stripe along each leg, the everlasting brown carressing the cuffs... these pants have journeyed from Target's "last chance" rack to Annie to Torie to Natalia... ending with me, only to perish at the hands of my own husband.

Darin recently said to me, "Louise, I don't see how you can feel any less than gross in those things." How could I have not seen the extent of his hatred?!

Woe! I, nor anyone else, will ever lay eyes on my beloved fat pants again. They are gone forever, taking their final asthmatic breaths in a landfill. *wistful sigh*

Will I ever experience comfortable sloth again? More importantly, will I ever love again?

Woe! Woe to the Fat Pants! Woe to memory! Convenience! Questionable stains!

Woe to Darin, who will suffer greatly henceforth. Poophead.

Rest in Peace

2006-03-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

From Mr. Wilson to Mahluli to Darin...

We'll miss you, ghetto Saturn.

Darin and I are driving back to the inlaws today to pick up a car for temporary usage.

Why did you have to die, ghetto Saturn? With your mismatched fender and crooked steering?

*single tear*

Too Lazy for a Real Post

2006-03-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

It is Spring Break at my alma mater. This is why I am perpetually present, pretending that I am, once again, a brooding college student. Some tibidgins:

A toast to Quentin Tarantino

Monica, the girl in every picture

Meghan and Monica's death wish

A ten-minute study break with Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde

I'm running off to work now. Ciao, my loves!

In the Name of Love... and chili beans.

2006-03-03T06:40:00.000-08:00

I wish my inlaws didn't infuriate/amuse me the way they do. Before I continue, let me express my undertstanding that most of the annoyance lies within my own weakness. I really do love them dearly.
That being said, it's time for some

Schmeez Droppings
Thoughts, Realizations, and Excremental Wisdom

I love Eric, Darin's younger brother. We were on NET together in 2000, and can easily communicate and tease each other. I enjoy spending time with him, despite his poor taste in film. (C'mon, Unbreakable?!) Anyway, he's cool, intelligent, and a taller version of Darin. Plus he laughs at my jokes.

Brian, on the other hand... This Recon Marine cannot maintain a conversation unless it regards himself. His wife is the same way. If ever I volunteer information, Brian and Sharron look at me in a slightly puzzled manner and quickly revert the topic back to themselves or their children. Brian is rude, crass, and egocentric. A typical conversation:

Brian: "Louise, if you saw my fist come flying at your face, would you be scared?"
Me: "Uh, yeeah..."
Brian: "So would I!" (guffaws)

Why does Mr. Dad avoid good books? I desperately want to introduce him to some Fathers and Doctors of the Church. He has never even touched the Confessions. He is a huge follower of Poem of the Man God and stuff by "Anne" the Lay Apostolate. Momma say Whaa?
My mom-in-law is very small, sweet, and considerate. That is why I feel so badly when she annoys me. If she was boisterous, it would be easier. This woman has two characteristics which I cannot hope to ever understand. She mutters and hovers. While the family sits down at table with after-dinner coffee, Mrs. Mom will not join in. She quietly leans over the conversators, wiping up every microscopic crumb, slowly and without a sound. I want to scream, "For Aslan's sake, woman!!! SIT DOWN!!"
If there is any kind of wait at a restaurant, she wants to leave. If there are leftovers in the fridge, she force-feeds. If someone double-dips, she shows more emotion than if someone swears in front of the children.
What would you do if your eldest brother-in-law smacked you on your bottom? Hard?
I got into a debate with Mr. Dad about interracial marriages. He says that the child of a mixed marriage will not be accepted by either race. I pause for effect. He is slave to the ludicrous idea that all black people are from the ghetto and participate in drive-by shootings. Love does not play into his arguments at all... Isn't the point of marriage to bring the other person to heaven? He was absolutely appalled when I revealed that despite their strict dating rules, my parents made it clear to me that it did not matter which race I married into. He also wasn't aware that I have a 1/2 & 1/2 for an aunt- half black, half hispanic. Don't mess with me, buddy. Mr. Dad also thinks leftys should be trained at a young age to be right-handed. My case is rested.
Brian's kids are adorable. I had a lot of fun playing with them. Good times.
I do love my in-laws! I do! I am just completely happy to settle back into my cluttered apartment, with my own coffee and Splenda and computer and schedule.
GIYOOO!!!
Meghan and I are doing a scene from Twelfth Night. I am utterly excited, as I have never done Shakey before. I am Olivia, she is Viola- completely appropriate. I see it as a throwback to the AMC newspaper caption under a pic of Meghan and I from "The Importance of Being Earnest": Louise and Meghan are two young woman in love. Maybe so.
I am singing a love song with Dr. A as well. From Evita?! As Angel would say with her head down on the table: "Three shots!"
American Idol rocks my little Catholic world; Darin and I love Elliott. Any thoughts on this adorably toothy guy from the south?

Off to work. I have 30 minutes to pack an overnight-bag, get dressed, have lunch, make a snack, straighten my hair, and canoodle with Darin. Ciao!

Stay Tuned

2006-03-02T07:46:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I got back a day later than anticipated. Let me recover from my Weekend with the Inlaws. Yeah, this one's gonna be good.

Until tomorrow, my loves.

Mawidge bwings us togevah!

2006-02-23T17:00:00.000-08:00

Darin has a habit of talking in his sleep. Consequently, this occurs during the nights I need sleep most. Some choice quotes:

"What? You're wearing that?!"

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"No way. You ain't getting NUTTIN' from me!"

He picked up my hand, felt my fingers, and said, "I don't like little things like this. Do you?"

"Hey manny man man!"

I swear he spoke Chinese two weeks ago.

Since I'm too lazy to write a real post, here's some other Darin/Louise tibidgins:

"Darin, sick! You just threw your scab on the floor!"
"Better get your socks on!"

"Gimme a kiss, Louise. One little peck. Try it on for size."
"But you're wearing a turtleneck."

Now, escape from my little world while you can.

Time Out

2006-02-19T16:36:00.000-08:00

Think of Mona's family and pray for the repose of her wonderful father's soul!

I would have cropped the above picture, but the sacrifice of Corwin's marvelous thumb wasn't an option. I'll be back soon.

Bursting Oil

2006-02-15T13:51:00.000-08:00

Per request of Darin, I write this post.

Blame him.

Back when I was circa fifteen, I would often visit the B family. These wealthy loggers/realtors owned a vast 40,000 acres which included a gorgeous lake. Swimming, boating, salamander catching, crawdad roasting... a perfect place to channel the stinky and dirty side of life. While enjoying the scenery, of course.

One afternoon, a B son and I canoed around the lake, exploring hidden inlets and apprehending minnows. At one point the bottom of the canoe hit a stump, causing me to jerk forward and lay my hand on my friend's back to steady myself.

Comedy happened.

The boy winced in pain, shrugged his shoulders up to his ears, and fairly screamed with a nasal "OW! My ACNE!"

This phrase has oozed its way (pardon the pun) into my marriage's vocabulary. Darin often mentions the pubescent trials of "winter backne." I recently reached for my moisturizer only to see "Crackne Medication" written on it.

Has this jest from my past reached its inevitable demise?

No. Pimples will always be funny.

Of Pimples and Sealing Wax

2006-02-13T18:47:00.000-08:00

Marriage has helped me become more vulnerable. To be precise, I've completely passed over the vulnerability stage and into the uncharted realm of obscenity. Mom will be so proud.

Me: "I'm embarrassed... I am getting a huge zit."
Darin: "That's okay, I get 'em all the time. We can be Pimple Pals."

I would further this thread if I was assured that only females read this blog, but as many of my readers are friends of the male species (I love yins) and gross old men with a taste for saucy brunettes (stop calling me), my hands are tied. Moving on...

I don't really care what any other human being thinks of me except my husband. He is the only one who has ever heard the ridiculous phrase, "Do I look fat?" pass through my lips. Only he has to reassure me that I am attractive, intelligent, unique, and amusing. I just assume that everyone else feels the same way; if they don't, I'll make sure to forget the fact.

Speaking of fat nudity, Darin set up a massage appointment for me tomorrow morning!

*grateful bow*

I have never received a professional massage before. All previous massages have been from loving amateurs:

My brother Dave- "This is a good one, Chew. I call this... THE DEATH GRIP!!!" I cry.

Megen- "Lou, you're soooo tense!" She repeats this phrase throughout the massage, defeating its purpose.

Erica- "Schmeeeeeez... [insert little made-up song]"

Indignant Darin- "Two minutes is more than enough!"

Mona- A ten-minute hand massage to prep me for a tough night of paper writing.

Mandy- "Walking on the back is good for you!"

Justin- "Are you sure Darin won't come in?"

That androgynous hobo on the bus- I don't want to talk about it.

Although I am entering into a new stage in life's twisting journey, please know that I will not reject you, nor your offers to manipulate my tissues. Until then.

Oh God. Petey's dead.

2006-02-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

*contented sigh*

I am currently sprawled out on the carpet with my lappy, sipping French Roast, clad in oversized pajamas. Snow is lightly falling, I am well-rested, and the apartment is cleaner than usual. Napoleon says "YES!"

Last night I made espresso drinks at the college for a study/game night. It was so much fun to have everyone together again- I miss that! Afterwards, I chatted with Nat for a while- long overdue, I must say. Let's all support Natalie on her journey to Mexican food.

Schmeez Droppings
Thoughts, Realizations, and Excremental Wisdom

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Chris Felix is my hero. Remember the post when I was in the depths of despair after Pat D. said (very maliciously, I must add) that I looked pregnant? Well, months later, Chris saw Pat. He punched the latter in the arm the only way an L.A. native can. Pat asked, "Why did you do that?!" Chris answered, "That's for what you said to Louise at the dance." Isn't that the best thing you've heard? For those of you who know Pat, I am sure this is very satisfying for you. Mwa ha ha! Chris, you rock my world!!! Napoleon says "YES!"
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. (For more, print this out.)
Girls, nautical is in. Go to the Value World and stock up on sailor pants, stripey shirts, espadrilles, and salt water taffy.
I had a good four days off earlier this week. People, I spent it downloading free King's Quest-ish PC games. I didn't leave the chair for anything except Jazzercise and sustenance. SICK, I tell you! SICK! I'm sure Corwin relates.
I went for drinks with Meg and Danny. Very fun! Three alcoholic beverages later, I called Darin to inform him I wouldn't be home that night. In true Lou fashion, I woke up bright and early, feeling wonderfully rested. *groan* I drove back at 6am, crawled into bed with sleeping husband, and slept until noon.
My new favorite band- Pink Martini! My bro introduced me to these Portland-based talents. Here's their own description: "Somewhere between a 1930s Cuban dance orchestra, a classical chamber music ensemble, a Brasilian marching street band and Japanese film noir is the 12-piece Pink Martini." Choice.
I'm now on to my second cup of coffee. Giyoooo!
Valentine's Day is coming- ready your firearms!

Meow, baby.

My heart will go on and on and on...

2006-01-31T19:50:00.000-08:00

I was just scrounging through my honeymoon photos when I came across this. Darin noticed this actual advertisement during a walk through the park. We had a good laugh over it.

Can anyone think of a worthy caption?

These Crazy Pills are Delightful!

2006-01-28T17:38:00.000-08:00

"I was picking my nose and looking at my computers, that's all!"

Darin is funniest when he doesn't mean to be. He constantly makes unexpected, strange comments, causing me to laugh like I'm taking crazy pills. (Unexpected and strange?!? Add bacon and it's a perfect combo meal!) I spend a lot of time rolling on the carpet during our conversations. Here's the typical rundown of things-

Darin makes funny statement without realizing its potential.
I laugh.
Darin thinks, "You like that, huh? Well, listen to this!"
Darin expands on previous statement, this time not too funny.
Laughter dwindles.
Darin repeats first successful statement with confidence.
Laughter resumes.

I like him.

*Untimely change of topic*

I asked Angel tonight if she feels slightly embarrassed to reveal her occupation when asked by current AMC affiliates. Angel, like me, currently associates with the work-a-day secular world. Little imp answered me with a resounding "YES!" (So glad I'm not alone in this.)

"YES! Lord, YES! Actually, I'm setting the world on fire with a new Catholic drama. And I am the personal secretary to Mel Gibson!"

Oh, Angel. What are you up to now... *personal joke- ask me if interested*

I miss my girl friends. Poor Darin's estrogen levels are at an all-time high from listening to my "feelings" and weird feminine psycho-babble. The guy lives in a cross-bred world of American Idol, polka-dots, and menstrual cycles. When he starts moisturizing, I'll begin to worry.

A special shout-out (is that the term the kids are using these days?) to neighbor-girl Mandy who consented to marry long-time beau Justin. Break out the AirHog!

And there I was, naked in Shoprite.

A Pocketful of Splenda

2006-01-24T16:26:00.000-08:00

It was so great to see Darin again! He is my sole consolation in regards to my return to this grey, cold, world. *agonized scream*

I arrived yesterday evening, sore rear in hand. Fully convinced that I would burst into tears at any moment, Darin jumped out the of car. He was so happy to see me and... giddy, actually. I'm glad to be back. Good ol' Darin. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Then, *edited for content*

*edited for content*

And *edited for content*

Yes, it is good to be back.

Oh, and why the unrelated title? I really do have Splenda in my pocket. As the official sweetener of Room 37, I pilfer at least ten packets per coffeehouse visit.

Day 4 1/2

2006-01-19T17:20:00.000-08:00

Consensus: Dial-up is the devil's spawn.

I have a few good posts in the works, however, completion is futile between Tib's bellows and Mom's ramblings.

Example: She looked up my name on myspace... she noticed that my status was "single." I never thought I'd have to say to my own mother, "No, I am not looking for guys on the internet!"

Change the default profile settings, people. Change them now.

I'm glad I can laugh about this.

Day 1

2006-01-16T12:06:00.001-08:00

An Airplane Haiku

Bunking with strangers
O my Lord I bumped his arm
How my buttocks aches

For the first time in years I wasn’t scared that foreigners would hijack the plane. I was able to enjoy the geometric farmland and decipher crop circles. The long flight and lack of sleep and food paid off. Home was sorely missed.

After a joyful reunion, Mom and I drove to Dave’s school where he is headmaster. (I know. They call him headmaster.) We had a quick lunch at Dave’s favourite café. Please note the English spelling of “favorite.” This charming hole-in-the-wall simply cannot be described with white-trash American spelling.

Costello’s Travel Café, with its burnt golden and sage interior, is perfection… a choice place to unwind and philosophize. My brother generously treated Mom and I to a late lunch. I ordered spicy chai and an Amsterdam pannini. My steaming drink was served with a fern delicately imprinted on the foam. I took a sip- I now know what Edmund tasted when he accepted Jadis’ sustenance. Spicy… warm… tingly… smooth … I always wondered what was in that mug.

The grilled pannini finally arrived, stuffed with chicken breast, provolone, fresh basil pesto, and tomatoes. A side of romaine drizzled with a light vinaigrette accompanied the meal. I love being with David, so this was a perfect beginning to my visit.

Mom and I drove home, where I met our new kitten Tib and tried to win Lulabelle back, to no avail. After I visited Faith and her two kids, I went to Caren’s. Argh. After an over-enthusiastic greeting, she proceeded to put her acting skills to practice in everything she said and did. I ache for her. She is so unhappy with herself, and her children suffer for it. Tonight is Gemma’s 1st birthday party- she looks like she hasn’t aged since I last saw her six months ago… so small and thin. I want to rip Caren’s business manuals away from her, smack her (hard), and force her to make the children priorities, not burdens.

All in all, I am so happy to be back. I miss Darin, but I don’t miss the Midwest.

The West is Best.

(My apologies for the late post, but my parent's dial-up connection suffers.)

I'm heeeere.

2006-01-11T10:30:00.000-08:00

Holidays are hectic.

Like clockwork, I contracted an illness before Christmas which barred all speaking abilities. In addition, I worked full-time in retail.

*pause for effect*

Please don't. I've wept enough for all of us.

The important thing is, I'm back. And at a very opportune time, too. Tomorrow morning, I'm flyin' outta this Midwest wasteland of cold and ghetto, and into the land of lollipops and pumpkins! West coast, baby.

Why should you give me another chance, you may ask? AHEM.

My eldest sister, i.e. The Ice Queen, has more or less disowned the rest of the family because of a dispute between her husband Joe and my dear brother Dave. She feels that everyone has taken my brother's side in this abomination of her husband's character and business integrity. Let me add that the truth is quite clear.

In short, I am going to have an exciting eleven days at home. I foresee a cross between Jerry Springer, Dr. Laura, and EWTN. Despite all potential crap, I can't wait to see my family and pets. It's been so long since I've spent non-stressed quality time with my mom. (Let me tell ya, wedding planning does not bring out the best in people.)

In conclusive conclusion, say a little prayer for my flight. I'll be sure to update as much as possible. With pictures! And profanity! And Jujubes!

Ciao.

Groan

2005-12-19T16:20:00.000-08:00

This is the busiest week of the year for the store. Consequently, I cannot post as much as I would like. Keep watching.

My tootsies ache ferociously... yes, I said 'ferociously.'
My cold is mild but lasting; today is day six, and my voice sounds like a smoker frog.
I am exhausted.

*Sound of head hitting keyboard*

Fa la la la BRAAAK!

2005-12-16T12:05:00.000-08:00

As you might have guessed, I am not going home for Christmas.

Lack of money
+
Job security
+
Expensive flights
=
a Darin & Louise Apartment Christmas!

Darin and I decided that since a West Coast Christmas is impossible, so is a Christmas with the inlaws. I would be far too homesick and pouty, thus invoking misery in each of my extended family members.

I will be heading back home, however, in January! Eleven days of West Coast lovin.' The only downer is that between a heavy class and work schedule, Darin cannot come. Argh.

Here's a preview of my little winter vacay:

Wait for Lulabelle to stop ignoring me, plead for her forgiveness regarding my long absence, and cuddle her before I go to sleep.
Jump on Mom and Dad's bed (while they're in it, of course).
Scandalize my eldest sister with the clothes I wear and love. Caren has rebuked my fashion sense ever since I lost my baby fat. To her, dressing prettily is dressing as a lady of the night. Maybe so, Caren. Maybe so.
Go hiking where Darin proposed. (The first time.)
Visit my buddy Mandy across the street. Harass her parents. Tease her mother.
Read in the guest bedroom with the heater on full blast while lying on my tummy. This has been my "comfort food" since I was a little girl, reason unknown.
Eat mom's pumpkin custard.
Get a back massage from my wonderful brother Dave.
Leave family dinner early enough to avoid religious debates, late enough to properly digest.
(Edited for content)
Go to the beach with my parents, make a fire while sitting on driftwood, eat clam chowder from Mo's, go crabbing.
Without flinching, tell Dad I love him.
Drink lots of mochas from my favorite hole-in-the-wall coffeehouses.
Get "love vibes" from Mom.
Spend the night by the Christmas tree.
Meet our new little calico kitten, Tib.
Dance in the living room with my nieces and nephews until someone gets hurt.
Order in from my favorite Mexican restaurant and watch old movies with the parental units.
Instead of avoiding the Annual Family Blow-up, take pictures for future blackmail usage.
Continue the argument with my father on why "Kill Bill" is a great movie.

Keep reading through January, for the posts will be frequent and (I have a foreboding feeling) extra juicy. Shudder.

Of Cabbages and Poles

2005-12-13T06:49:00.000-08:00

On Phase 2 of our honeymoon, Darin and I drove a U-Haul from the W.C. back to Midwestern Lands. On the way, we took a detour to Preston, Idaho. Yes, THE Preston, Idaho of Napoleon Dynamite.

The picture below is of me glorifying the very place Jon Heder played some raucous games of tetherball. On a second inspection of this photo, I realized that the tetherball pole looks similar to another kind of pole. Any old perv who saw this pic out of context might think... *Groan*

Anyway, isn't Idaho beautiful? Not half as gorgeous as my home state, but it has its purpose. I invite those of you live east of Montana to renounce your Midwestern roots and move to the west. Man cannot live on crap alone.

Pooplets

2005-12-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

And now it's time for another installment of...

Schmeez Droppings
Thoughts, Realizations, and Excremental Wisdom

I cannot tell you how desperate I am to get out of this bloody Midwest freeze and into some West Coast warm lovin'. Forsake sinful slush and godawful grey! Come with me, the Pied Piper, to the land that knows little or no snow!
Speaking of that, I slid into a ditch on the way to work. A nice blue-collar kid smokin' a clove pulled my little sedan out with his macho Ford. Such a nice guy- I got to work on time and offered up my interaction with crazy shopping moms for him.
On the same day, Darin slid into a parked car. This sounds so cliche, but "go figure."
Black pinstripe pants are a must for every modern girl's wardrobe. Dress 'em down by pairing them with Pumas and a graphic tee. Dress 'em up with a blazer and heels. Perfecto.
This was a superb Sunday: Mass, a Coney Island breakfast, catching "Narnia" (which we loved - check back for a review), a Christmas tree/decor purchase, and topping the night off with decorating and eggnog. Oh, and "Desperate Housewives" of course.
Husband #1 semi-updated his website. A super-cool advent montage awaits you.
My friend Katherine emailed me! Her emails always warm and fuzz me. Definitely the coolest, yet wenchiest Canadian I've ever known.
After checking out this website introduced to me by my dear Dr. Beiting, I almost sympathize with anti-Christians. Objective Ministries would turn anyone off to converting. By the by, have you accepted Jesus yet? This one's just for kids. (Make sure to check out that mean old atheist, Mr. Gruff.) For those who are struggling with purity, here's the answer!

That's all have to say in twenty minutos. Yes, I did mean to say "minutos." Spanish is fun!

I have a 5 a.m. wake-up call tomorrow morn. Working my way through marriage, that's right! And there I was, naked in ShopRite.

Ready to Dye

2005-12-07T16:52:00.000-08:00

Completely exhausted...

5 am wake-up calls...

Watching "Cinderella Man" with Husband #1... with Red Vines and York patties...

He's also going to dye my newly trimmed and banged up hair...

Shepherd's pie in oven... mmm...

Here's a picture of Darin and me. I really think we're a gorgeous couple.

Sing Me to Heaven

2005-12-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

In my heart’s sequestered chambers lie truths stripped of poet’s gloss.
Words alone are vain and vacant, and my heart is mute.
In response to aching silence memory summons half-heard voices,
And my soul finds primal eloquence and wraps me in song.

If you would comfort me, sing me a lullaby.
If you would win my heart, sing me a love song.
If you would mourn me and bring me to God,
Sing me a requiem, Sing me to heaven.

Touch in me all love and passion, pain and pleasure,
Touch in me grief and comfort; love and passion, Pain and pleasure.

Sing me a lullaby, a love song, a requiem,
Love me, comfort me, bring me to God:
Sing me a love song, Sing me to heaven.

- Daniel E. Gawthrop (b. 1949)

Ahem. When I visit my alma mater, I feel an immense amount of warmth from both genders of the campus. This is probably because I am a wacky/married/open-minded woman that can and will say what anyone else can't or won't. We're comfortable with each other.

So, as an objective onlooker and active participant, I am disappointed in both the men and women of AMC.

Now that the population is down to circa forty, it is more vital than ever to love. As AMC students have learned in VanShajik's Human Person or Dentino's Theology of JP2 classes, "love" must be in action for it to be effective. This is the lacking element on our campus. This is the virtue that keeps our college from the greatness it deserves.

Disclaimer: I understand that the administration, whose example we should follow, forsook the privilege of admiration and leadership long ago. I also admit that I am pathetically guilty of the behavior I am about to criticize.
For the women: Many of us were taught to apply wisdom and sensitivity in our dealings with men to get what we want and need. We were taught how to create and maintain a happy and well-functioning relationship using our "feminine wiles" in benevolent and mutually satisfying ways. We have replaced this innate femininity with disdain, criticism, hypersensitivity, and manipulation. Men are not the insensitive creatures we like to think; men need respect and love whether or not they 'earn' it. Encourage men to be men.

For the men: I won't refer to you as "guys." You are men, and men you shall be called!

How many AMC girls feel similar to Chaucer's "gat-tothed" Wife of Bath? Rosy-faced broads with sexual energy hot enough to melt Fr. Roy's heart of stone, existing for the sole purpose of man's temptation and distraction? Personally, I felt more like Monty Python's hussies of Castle Anthrax, but that's just me. It's a pitiful cop-out to use a woman's beauty as an excuse for distraction and impurity. Everybody knows it, but we femmes somehow agree and blame ourselves. (Immodesty is an entirely separate issue.) Appreciate the beauty of the women around you. Pre-theologate or not, beauty is meant to be recognized, not shunned.

AMC ladies are tough; we need, however, the love and sensitivity of our wonderful gentlemen. Because I am a somewhat *vibrant* woman, some treat me as if I lack the capacity to have hurt feelings. When I was teased somewhat malevolently, rarely would a man in present company defend me. (Thank you, Cory, for asking someone to stop the foul language in a lady's presence last year. Thank you, Darin, for chasing that flirtatious homeless man. Thank you, "Crazy-eyes" Rutherford, for defending me against inappropriate comments instead of laughing or ignoring them. See? Elephants and women never forget.)

Destroy your copy of Paradise Lost if that's what it takes. Seriously.

Please stick together. Only one more semester to go. Like it or not, we are each bonded by faith and education. In our everyday interaction with one another, strive to remember the fundamental reason God placed man and woman together.

Check Back Tomorrow.

2005-12-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

Just what I said. Check back tomorrow. (Free popcorn!)

For your Viewing Displeasure

2005-11-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

11-8 is a dreadfully long shift. Forgive my decaffeinated grumblings.

Luckily... I work an early shift tomorrow morn so Husband #1 and I can *gasp* spend the day together! I propose we clean the apartment (we're delayed gratifiers), take a nap, play a game, and go out for coffee. Hey, I just planned my day in a sentence! This is simply groundbreaking!

Here are some... ahem... creations that Darin concocted this afternoon. Some men watch football in their spare time, some sleep on the couch. Husband #1? See for yourself.

A Googled kid mixed with Jennifer Aniston. Charming.

Osama bin Bean

The NEXT Ave baby?

Feel free to put these on your desktop and paste on Mom's birthday card. Darin also extends an invitation for suggestions.

Go ahead, feed my hubby's hobby.

Post your ideas for new freaky/hilarious/huh? combinations, and I will choose the top five. Okay, Darin will. Anyway, the top five will be created and posted on this fabulous blog.
Good luck!

Spite

2005-11-27T19:56:00.000-08:00

(phone rings)

Male Customer: Hey, do you have that nylon jacket, called the "Warmest Jacket?" In blue? In a large?

Ian: (happily) We certainly do, sir!

Customer: The one with fleece lining?

Ian: (happily) Yes, sir!

Customer: In blue, called the "Warmest Jacket?"

Ian: (yet still happily) Yup!

Customer: A large with fleece lining, nylon shell...

Ian: (with slight wonder) Large blue Warmest Jacket with fleece lining, sir. Yes. We have it.

Customer: You're sure it has fleece lining?

Ian: YES.

Customer: Well... Put it on hold for Randy, please.

After Ian got rid of Randy, I handed my coworker a hold ticket. "I'm spelling his name with an 'i' out of spite!" Ian did, and I laughed. Poor Randi.

I am a rabid participant of spite. Just the other day, I took a massive swig of orange juice from the carton when my germ-conscientious inlaws were in the other room. Just to spite them for frustrating me and for not being my parents. (We've discussed my "I miss mommy" complex.)

Quick, tell me something that YOU have done spitefully, especially if it crosses over to outright malice. Then I might not feel quite as evil.

An Untitled Evening

2005-11-26T23:09:00.000-08:00

I'm heeeeere.

Back from Thanksgiving, two excruciatingly long work days equipped with evil mom-shoppers, and icy roads. I welcome the change. I happily return to my cozy apartment, devour my mother-in-law's delicious pie, and relish the fact that I finally have a Sunday off. I plan to sleep, watch TV, grocery shop, and sleep some more. *Homer drool*

And now it's time for....

Schmeez Droppings
Thoughts, Realizations, and Excremental Wisdom

Darin's family is quietly dysfunctional. The familial resentment lies underneath the surface, occasionally exposing its ugly one-eyed head. My family's dysfunctionality, however, is overt. Wonderfully overt. With unsurpassed comedic undertones. From the eldest sister's insecurity ("Louise, you dress like a skank") to Dad's mood swings ("Hee hee hee... Aah, I'm a failure!"), we put the "fun" in dysfunctional.
Kendrea and I had our lunch break together this afternoon. We went to a Mexican restaurant and had a lovely time until we found out that our two diminutive sides of guacamole cost $3.25 each. Kendrea employed her anger by witholding a tip, relaying the story to everyone at work, and constantly muttering "Three twenty-five" under her breath.
I don't exactly know what to say when my homosexual coworkers/managers gush about my husband. "Um... Louise, are you sure he's married?"
Be nice to retail employees at this time of year. Most people are utterly rude... ironic, this being CHRISTMAS and all!
Eric, my brother-in-law and longtime buddy, is now comfortable enough to commit the sin of flatulence in my presence.
I hope that tonight is one of those nights where Darin and I lie in bed, laughing our heads off about stupid words and phrases we just made up.
I am so fortunate that I married a man with a good natural smell. Darin perpetually smells good, which is more than I can say for most men. Even his morning breath qualifies as 'cute.'
I need Lulabelle.

The java has worn off and I suddenly have nothing interesting to say. The current temperature is 33 degrees. But it feels like 27 degrees. There are Southeast winds from 5-10 miles per hour, which will increase to 20-30 miles per hour as the night goes on. And then I found 20 bucks.

Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. President....

2005-11-22T00:34:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving with the inlaws... A strangely impersonal dinner with seventy people who eerily resemble each other. Mmmm... A home-cooked meal makes my mouth water, for my steady snack diet of grease and carbohydrates is killing me. Love to all!

Not with Child... Formally.

2005-11-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

You know your blog is suffering when friends have removed you from their blogroll. Sigh... I'd better step this thing up. It is difficult to achieve a perfect balance between profundity, personal anecdotes, and humor. Not too serious/boring, yet not completely hung over with mental illness. Toughie.

Okay, the formal update. (As in the dance on Saturday night.) After a little off-key serenading from Darin and Justin, the girls and I headed downstairs for some pictures. We dined Deutschedly at The Heidelburg, where Darin and I finished our meals before anyone else. We like food.

Upon arrival to the botanical gardens, I overheard a certain fellow speaking about me.

"Oh, Louise is pregnant!"

The world stopped. Before that moment, I felt beautiful. That single phrase, spoken with the utmost callousness, almost destroyed my evening. Darin completely laughed the comment off, dismissing the speaker as an idiot who "ruins all our lives and eats all our steak." It took compliments and several glances in the mirror to feel reconciled to myself again. I suppose that every woman will be mistaken as preggers someday- I'm glad that my time is over. But please, never again!

For the record, I do not feel guilty that I am not pregnant yet. Many of my acquaintances (notice I don't say "close friends") wonder why my tummy ain't swelling (and married four months!) *Big Groan* People have neither tact nor ability to mind their own business.

The fact is, Darin and I can't wait to have children. But! We are enjoying every second of where we are in our lives right now. When and if God places a child in our life, Darin and I will accept it lovingly with open arms. SO WHAT if right now is not the time for us? Maybe tomorrow is.

Oily Homeschoolers with Lebanese Memories

2005-11-18T18:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, there's a valid reason I haven't posted in a while. There's also a valid reason why my recent posts have been less than worth reading. I'll let you know when I think of said valid reason.

I spent the night at AMC (my lovely alma mater) and had a long-awaited conversation with Nat. We hadn't really had a chance to "reconnect" since she got back from her semester abroad. It was wonderful to laugh, complain, and philosophize with her again. Mona joined in for a while before we went to bed. (I also met the infamous "Suzanne." A single word sums up the interaction: Whoa. I should have heeded Corwin's nosebleed warning.)

Nat and I slept on the living room futon.
"Sweet dreams, Schmeez."
"Sweet dreams, Chinky. Pardon me if I start to undress you."
"LOUISE!"
Just call me Sappho.

Now that I am a married woman, I can get away with more than I ever thought possible. *Sigh of contentment*

I slept well for the first time in weeks. After a hot shower, I trotted over to the Student Life office for coffee with Suzanne (not Whoa Suzanne) and Torie. I am convinced those women have gradually strengthened their daily dose of java to an illegal point over the past two years. (God knows they've needed it, employed at AMC and all.) Both teased me for putting too much cream in my coffee. A generous dosage of cream is absolutely crucial when the coffee actually moves by itself. It's dripping up, Tor! Just say no, gang. Just say no.

The walk from the Ark to the class building was strange. The wind chilled my nose, leaves swirled around me, and I pondered the fact that after this year, Ave Maria College will not exist. The short walk brought several recollections to me.

The tree Darin and I slept under... the sinking terror from passing Fr. Roy on the sidewalk... Dr. Izzo's constant warnings against running on the pavement... Freshman intramural ultimate frisbee... watching Darin play volleyball, furious at the apparent peace without me in his life... hurrying to theatre practice with a Drogo latte in hand... the weight of that damnable medieval history book... Ann's smile as we'd meet at the picnic table for Mudd House studying... falling constantly on that infernal Michigan ice... joyfulness... anger... desolation...

Now my computer screen is blurry. It was one long 30-second walk.

After scandalizing/evangelizing some friends in the class building, Meghan and I enjoyed Lebanese cuisine, somewhat incoherent conversation, and a little shopping. Much to my chagrin, Psycho is not on Meghan's "Must Watch" list. I expressed my frustration to the former home-schooler (Don't deny it, Meg.)
"You're annoying me."
"I know, but that's because I can't think of anything cool to say."
A nap was in order.

The fall formal, entitled "An Evening in the Orient," is tomorrow night. Only last year was I crowned the queen- actually a defining moment in my life. In high school, the boys would call me "ugly" and "fat," while my supposed friends stood by and snickered. It still hurts when I think about it. Moral of the story: High School is Hell. Thank God for College.

Tomorrow will be mine and Darin's first formal as a married couple, wedding reception excluded. My white party dress will be more than appropriate. Heh. Heh. Look out.

The Wisdom of John Mayer (Ironic, huh?)

2005-11-16T07:08:00.000-08:00

I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?

Note to self: Slow down. Slow down, I tell you! This week has been nothing but work and virtually no play. Up at 5 am on Sunday for a nine-hour work day, Husband #1 working nights all week, sleeping alone (and restlessly), long work days, no cash in pocket, still haven't cleaned up from Sunday's dinner party, living on potato chips and bad coffee... Good times.

Last night I stayed with some girlfriends at my alma mater. We spent a couple hours eating veggies and dip (not to mention Panera bread and chips), just talking and collectively coping with burnout. Meghan stayed up all night starting/finishing a Dante paper; as a result of her fatigue, she went to bed with her brown slacks and belt on. That horrified me and I demanded she put on pajamas. She complied amicably enough, proceeding to make unnecessarily long statements. That was pretty funny.

This morning I drove to work, realizing I didn't have any money or food. No food? I almost perished at the thought. Darin saved the day and visited me on my lunch hour, feeding me the choicest Koney Island food and Starbucks Christmas blend. Husband #1 also bestowed a little note on my car for when I finished work.

Well, I have a lot to look forward to this week: Darin's taking me to a dance, I have Friday and Saturday free, markdowns are tomorrow, and I'll have some girl time opportunities.

Weird moment of the day: Before work, I visited the Student Life office. I unabashedly asked where our "sexy Dean of Students" was. Dr. B was certainly there, good-humored and frizzy-haired as always.

And now it's time for...
Insight: Courtesy of Mel Brooks
"Humor is just another defense against the universe."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."

Ramblin' Rod

2005-11-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

Dearest Darin,
In answer to your question, I probably will be in Phase 2 forever. My apologies.

I have been getting a lot of questions from fellow bloggers, coworkers, etc. concerning the difference between NFP and birth control. Consequently, my friends Kate and Arwen did the work for me already. Check it out. And this.

My friend/coworker Jon is an atheist. He believes that science leaves no room for the possibility of God. When he recently divulged this to me, he thought I was angry at him; I wasn't angry. I was floored. The reason I was so surprised is because in Jon, the presence of God is alive and well. He is such a selfless and loving person. For such a kind and generous man as Jon to deny the very thing that makes a home in him is frankly devastating.

The Best of Rooms

Christ, he requires still, wheresoe'er He comes,
To feed, or lodge, to have the best of rooms:
Give Him the choice; grant Him the nobler part
Of all the house: the best of all's the heart.

--Robert Herrick, from Christ's Part (1647)

Hug from Behind - You like to feel what the other person is feeling and see things how they see them. You tend to be serious and emotional.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

"I Wish I Could Clone You."

2005-11-09T07:53:00.000-08:00

My manager Pam said that to me this afternoon. A kind compliment, for certain. I didn't go into the ethics of cloning with her, but I was tempted. Oh, was I tempted. Ahem....

I have been discovering (reluctantly) that each day can be a good one if I make it that way. It is a little scary knowing that I have the power whether or not to screw up the day. For example, I had to wake up at 5 am this morning to get to work on time. It actually hurt to get up- I was so tired. I actually considered staying in bed. Instead, I put a carrot in front of my nose- a large cup of Tim Horton's hazelnut coffee. I changed my clothes, straightened my hair, and kissed Darin goodbye. (He nodded in response to my affection. Nodded! He doesn't remember me even leaving.) I drove to Tim's and ordered. Sometimes coffee tastes better when you don't make it. Sigh... $1.40 can buy happiness. Unfortunately, it's only temporary.

The point is, I can decide whether to let the 8 Long Lady bother me or not! (She haunts the GAP, lives in the fitting room for hours, and orders us to find every 8 long in the store only to return the pants the following day.) I can decide to not be bothered by my malicious/catty elder sister. I can choose to love Darin despite the fact that Phase 1 approaches. (Know your NFP, people!)

To tell you the truth, I don't necessarily want this control; it's easier to blame others. Awful, but true. But then again, my days wouldn't be as sweet. Or acidic.

Monday, Monday

2005-11-07T09:19:00.000-08:00

I had a lovely time with several of my friends last night- drinking Bailey's and coffee, watching movies, and playing poker. It was nice to finally have my friends over. After Justin, Mel, Sean, Chris, Joe, and Kelly left for home, Natalie, Meghan, Theo, Mona, and Crazy Tom stayed the night. We watched the beloved 80s classic Some Kind of Wonderful. That was my Sunday. I slept until noon and am going to have lunch with Darin soon. My apologies for this biting post. Yes, it really does bite.

This list is written happily at Havilah's request. Ten things I would do had I an exorbitant amount of money:

I would take Mom and my three sisters on a clothes shopping spree. Only one catch- I must approve everything they buy. Mwa ha ha! We would hit all the hole-in-the-wall boutiques as well as the mall.
Get facials and massages on a frequent basis.
I would buy a beautiful home in the country (close to a larger city). Near enough to my family, but far enough from my family. This house would be complete with indoor pool, hot tub, music room, home gym, picket fence, and stone counters.
Travel everywhere with my husband. I would also have a Girl's Only trip to Europe every summer with my buds.
I would buy Darin and I each a car, plus a little white convertible for me in the summertime.
Record a CD and produce the heck out of it.
Go to the theatre and opera every Saturday night.
Purchase new homes for my brother Dave, Mom and Dad, and sister Faith.
Get my mom better. Take her to some real doctors.
I would host a huge Christmas party every year, complete with dancing, banquet, drinks, etc. It would last an entire weekend.

Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how could you leave and not take me?
-Mamas and the Papas

Hope your Monday turns out better than Mama Cass.

Absence Makes the Heart grow Fungus

2005-11-05T10:30:00.000-08:00

ME going CRAZY! (Can you imagine?) Darin left me, his gorgeous wife, for the weekend. Just to visit a good friend that he hasn't seen in years. Gosh, where are this guy's priorities? Anyway, I am kinda lonely just sitting at home... watching Simpsons reruns... drinking coffee... playing obsolete computer games... leaving messes... not making the bed... Wait a minute, THIS IS GREAT!

When it comes down to it, I'd definitely rather have Husband #1 here. I hate the fact that we don't see each other very much, let alone spend the night together. Unfortunately, the non-togetherness negatively affects the little time we have together. Sigh... poor little guy... I wonder what he's doing now... (cut to scene of Darin sipping apple martinis on a warm beach)

Sidenote: I love the fact the when I run spellcheck on this blog, "Darin" comes up as "Drain." Absolutely hilarious.

I already had my Jazzercise class this fine morning, so I'm kickin' it with my buddy Justin in a little while- maybe visit with some girlfriends after that, then home for a very important nap. Oh, and I need to finish my latest Agatha Christie. So many things to do on a day off from work. How can I live with all this chaos, you may ask? Coffee. Lots of good Starbucks Italian Roast coffee. There, you have my secret. Now give me some candy.

Blue Label Applesauce. Applesauce IS tasty.

2005-11-01T20:31:00.000-08:00

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. -J.R.R. Tolkien

I may despise it next week, but my job is splendid fun right now. Pardon my lack of humility, but I am really good at it. The managers are getting a little suspicious at how many customer compliments I receive. Even The Scary Turtleneck Lady was impressed. I will take over the world using fashion retail. Ye have been warned.

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." -W.C. Fields

It was a historic day in Louise and Darin Land. For the first time in history, Husband #1 purchased certain feminine products for Wife #1 from the local CVS. Congratulations, you two!

"A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on." -William S. Burroughs

Women actually come into the GAP asking for "high-waisted, tapered jeans." I have successfully converted some of them to bootcut or the Long and Lean (a GAP staple and my personal favorite.) It has been a challenge to tactfully explain how the tapered jean is unflattering, a detriment to every woman's wardrobe, and just plain ugly. Some women welcome the change, and others... I guess they actually like looking like a pregnant popsicle.

My alma mater is hosting a trip to Rome this summer. I am so there. This is a dream come true! Spending two weeks in Europe with two of my favorite professors, close friends, and husband. Since I am currently childless and unpregnant (just in case you were wondering), it's the perfect opportunity. Ich bin sehr glucklich! Ja ja!! (Not the sisterhood.)

God bless thee; and put meekness in thy mind, love, charity, obedience, and true duty! -William Shakespeare

May your Halloween be better than my Yesterday

2005-10-31T09:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a gorgeous fall day- a pumpkin day. Alas, I spent most of yesterday in bed. This is the tactic I famously use when I am depressed. The entire day started out horribly and continued to be horrible. (I will not incriminate any husbands.) At a certain point I felt so numb that the tears just poured down my expressionless face. Feeling like a complete waste of space, disappointed in my unused, uninteresting theology degree, furious at my in-laws for asking Darin how much I got paid, furiouser at Darin for answering, missing home, regretting my choices, wanting more out of life, just plain angry... But the worst part about yesterday? My mom had emergency surgery.

I got a semi-panicked call from my brother Dave about noon. Apparently mom had been rushed to the hospital just moments after I talked to her Saturday night while dad was on a weekend retreat. She was having stomach pains, so I told her it "must have been the Splenda." I also gave her the bad advice of ordering in from our favorite Mexican restaurant and renting old movies. Good one, Louise.

Warning- Gross description to follow: Turns out that mom had a fifteen-year-old lump of fat on her stomach that formed in order to protect her body for some reason. (My mother has a lot of health problems, so we're not sure why.) Her intestine started to strangle the lump, causing it to leak. Luckily, no intestine was damaged and the surgery was successful. After a few days in the hospital, mom should be back to her definition of 'normal.'

After Darin forced me out of bed, we went on a walk through the leaf-flooded ravine behind our apartment. The weird day ended with alcohol, ice cream, and Monsters, Inc. Considering the circumstances, I slept very well.

I hereby declare that today will be a Good Day! I have the entire day to read/relax, my triceps ache gloriously from my morning workout, my coffee is dark and delicious, and What Not to Wear is on in twenty minutes. Things can only get better from here, right? Right? Um... Guys?

Happy Halloween, everybody!

I'll Be Home for Christmas?

2005-10-28T11:07:00.000-07:00

On the way home from the market, Darin brought up our Thanksgiving plans. He told me that he would like to take a few days off from work so we could visit his hometown family and friends. Something in me snapped and my happy-go-lucky persona did a 180. I viciously replied with an unnecessary comment about how Darin needs his mommy. After Husband's surprise turned to anger, he demanded why I said that. I dissolved into tears and sobbed, "I wanna go HOME!" Turns out I'm the one who needs her mommy.

When Jim returns from his vacation next week, I am going to present him with reasons why I should be allowed a week or two off from work during Christmas. Pray for me- I need this!

The homosexual workplace

2005-10-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

I am in an entirely different environment working in fashion retail. I am no longer surrounded by Latin verbs or cradle Catholics. The Real World has been a challenge with some fun thrown in with a dash of employee discounts. One of the difficult yet most interesting aspects of fashion retail is interacting with different "lifestyles."

My manager is a practicing homosexual. Until today, I could have told you that he never mentioned this to me. The men that I work with are typically artsy and well-dressed. Many of them are also, like Jim, practicing homosexuals. Most of them do not advertise this fact. Tommy, on the other hand...

Tommy started working with me about a week ago. He is a stylish fella, a pretty nice fella. His mother is Jewish and his father is Catholic, so he calls himself a "Cashew." (I found this rather clever.) The first thing I noticed about Tommy was how friendly he was while introducing himself. The second thing I noticed was how tight his pants were on his bottom. The third thing I noticed? Tommy seems to feel a need for everyone to know that he is a practicing homosexual. He interjects the fact into almost every sentence- including staff meetings.

Shift leader: We are getting a shipment Friday night-
Tommy: You know where I'll be- at the club for gay night!

Shift Leader: These new jeans are men's-
Tommy: Well, I know men.

If a straight man said anything like the above regarding women, it would be sexual harrassment. Tommy also tends to boss around, snatch coworker's customers if he finds them attractive, and interrupts constantly. My impression of Tommy is that he does not find his identity outside of being homosexual. He does not see himself as an individual human person, but merely as a part of the homosexual movement. My opinion on active homosexual lifestyles aside (rather the Church's opinion), this is not right.

Despite our differences, Tommy and I get along just fine and work together well. Maybe just by loving him and treating him with kindness, he will come to a better understanding of his primary identity as a beloved child of God.

My existence outside of the comfortable Little Catholic Bubble is collectively amusing, scary, disheartening, and pleasant. I hope I keep my identity in check, too!

To my neglected readers

2005-10-21T07:38:00.000-07:00

As I am acquainting myself with the new work schedule, I haven't been posting as often. My apologies, oh illustrious blog viewers. Here are some highlights/lowlights of the week thus far:

Working at the GAP has been great! Compared to my old insurance job? Let's just say that we actually have a training program regarding what the job entails, unlike said insurance co.- And I am a believer that insurance is more important than fashion. That was the hardest part of working for the insurance company. I may have royally screwed up people's life insurance because of my lack of training.
The first few weeks of a new job is the hardest part for me because of the criticism. I don't like it when "the scary turtleneck lady" (a moniker which my co-worker Azra gave one of the managers) constantly informs me of the "way things are done." I mean, I'm still learning! Don't take that tone with me! Wench! But seriously, I don't mind that much. She's just a scary turtleneck lady that overdoes her job.
Going from seeing Darin too much to not seeing him at all has put a strain on our relationship. We're actually in a "fight" right now... well, actually... I am in a fight with him. The apologetic messages on my cell to giving me much-needed back massages do not change the inherent fact that I am a stubborn German woman. Groan.
The leaves are finally changing and I love it! On the west coast we don't have many trees that change colors. Very beautiful.
I still miss my crazy mom.
I desperately need chapstick. If anyone has seen a tube of Burt's Bees sans label, please contact my dry lips.
Hey, you know how McDonald's has been advertising their "Premium Roast" coffee? Well, I finally tried it yesterday morning on my way to work. It's GOOD! Better than Tim Horton's.
I need to pray more. I need more motivation. I feel very secular right now, and I am not sure when/how to combat it.

Thanks for stopping by! I promise that my next post will cover something more interesting. Au revoir!

Inlaw Lovin'

2005-10-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

My in-laws are visiting this weekend. Which is good. I like them a lot and we've known each other for years. Things are a tad awkward right now- Darin went to work, leaving me with them for eight hours. Mr. Dad is tinkering with the beautiful oak dresser he built for us (and a bedside table to match!) while Mrs. Mom reads a book about Celtic spirituality. I, on the other hand, alternate between reading my latest Agatha Christie, surfing the net, and changing outfits on a whim. These various activities are dotted with conversation about nothing in particular.

This is the first time the Mr. and Mrs. have visited Darin and I since we've been married. I have definitely impressed them with my unique culinary and Feng-Shui decorating skills. Napoleon Dynamite says, "Yesss." I am very different from my husband's parents. I have absolutely no qualms about disagreeing and arguing with Mr. Dad about ethics and religion, making me the antithesis of his placid wife. I don't think he's used to lasses of a fiery nature such as myself. That's what a Catholic liberal arts education will do to ya. And compared to Mrs. Mom I am a sloppy disaster. No wonder Darin had a hard time with my ability to actually leave the dishes in the sink overnight.

In 30 minutes, we are meeting Darin at Applebee's. I feel like steak. Take that literally if you like. Oh, and tonight I am going to treat our guests to classic film viewing pleasure.
***Brace yourselves for this next comment. Stop reading completely if you are prone to heart failure and/or hemorroids.***

My inlaws have never seen a Fred Astaire movie.

Have no fear- this enigmatic issue will be resolved as of 9 p.m. Eastern time.

UPDATE: I miss my mom and dad desperately. I miss their quirky personalities, their immature way of arguing, their innate understanding of who I am, my mother's raucous laugh, my dad's annoyingly obvious comments... I am homesick and I need "love vibes" from Mutti. (This is when she hums while holding me super tightly.) This weekend visit has deepened my need for mom and dad. I called Ma after they left and cried,"I need you! Even though you and Pop annoy the hell out of me sometimes, I need you!" She understood perfectly.

I'm Cocoanuts

2005-10-12T09:34:00.000-07:00

"I can see it now: you and the moon - wear a necktie so I'll know you." -Groucho

There's nothing like a good Marx Brothers flick. Watching Harpo accost every female in sight makes my day. Ooh, I came across this great cartoon:

I'm a huge Muppet fan. At age five I would pretend that I was Jim Henson's daughter, assisting him in creating his puppets and such.

I got the job, by the way. I am now a lingerie consultant. Poor mom. She's a bit scandalized by my new career. "What!? Oh, honey... Do be careful." "Don't worry," I reply. "I'll make sure the underwire can't cut me."

Coffee, Artichokes, and Weird Al

2005-10-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

I am glad to say that today was one of those rare "perfect days." Since Darin worked all night, I made sure to stay up relatively late reading a book. (Unfortunately, it was one of those murder mysteries where the main character is disturbingly similar to yourself. FREAKY. I had to call Darin twice.) He came home early this morning and we slept until noon. I could have gotten up earlier, but I was much too warm and comfortable. A definite bonus of unemployment.

I brewed the last of my Jack Daniel's coffee and enjoyed a buttered english muffin while Darin feasted on strawberry poptarts and his grapefruit juice concoction. The weather was perfectly cool and crisp. An apple cider and pumpkin day. We began it with overdue grocery shopping, selecting pillows for our new couch, window shopping, and simply enjoying each other's company. After dinner, we started off for Michael's to buy frames for our apartment decor, namely Mary Mark's "Still Life with Artichokes" and Klimt's "The Kiss."

At a rather long stoplight, we noticed a Hollywood Video employee waiting in angst to get across the street to work. (Darin and I recognized his uniform immediately because we were shift leaders at HV for three years.) It was exactly 5 o'clock, so we assumed it was time for work. The purple-shirted young man (let's call him Herb) paced maniacally, growled, and kept hitting the button that supposedly controls the stoplights. They totally don't. As Darin yelled in vain, "They're only there for your peace of mind! They don't care if you want to cross the street!" Anyway, Darin and I had a big laugh watching poor Herb and his dilemma develop as not one bloody car let him cross. When the light finally turned green and the white glowing man miraculously appeared, Herb booked it across the street to Hollywood Video with flailing arms and a desperate face, not paying any attention to the blind Michigan drivers almost colliding into him. Darin and I just hysterically laughed. Poor Herb.

After our errands I ran into Starbucks for a vanilla latte, and we headed home. Oh, and I got 10 cents off my drink because I answered their trivia question correctly: "What country does the word 'chai' come from?" I said omnisciently, "It is a Chinese word meaning 'tea.' 'Chai tea,' therefore, is quite a redundant phrase." Amazing what one can learn from a Celestial Seasonings box.

The entire day was highlighted with Weird Al car music. Darin rapped. It was simultaneously hilarious and screwy. I had to remind Darin that he is an Ohioan white boy. Here's an excerpt of my husband's musical talent (he has this memorized):

Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse
Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K
I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him "Money" for short
I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support
It's all about the Pentiums, what?
You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
You've got white-out all over your screen
You think your Commodore 64 is really neato
What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?
You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh
Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?
You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette
You're the biggest joke on the Internet
Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller

Darin actually understands what the above means. Computers. I live with a man and eight computers.

I am home now and the apartment is decorated and rationed. The soundtrack from "Annie" is playing and I just finished doing a little dance routine to "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile." Darin laughed. Out of pity? Out of embarrassment? Perhaps, but he's too nice to mention it.

Cute Animal Quiz

2005-10-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday! Since Darin will be at a friend's house all day (and not home until tomorrow because of his mentally-ill work schedule), I must amuse myself. What better way to waste one's time than taking a quiz to find out what cute animal you would be if God changed His mind? Ah, the mysteries of life... It'll give you a little self-esteem boost, too. "I'm a wittle duckie? I'm not such a lazy self-righteous wench after all!" See what I mean? Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

You Are A: Puppy!

Beloved by all, puppies are energetic, playful, and loving. Your playful and outgoing nature is part of what makes you a puppy. Known for their loyalty, puppies make great pets for young and old alike. And an innocent puppy face can melt anyone's heart!

You were almost a: Pony or a Bunny
You are least like a: Turtle or a Frog What Cute Animal Are You?

Take the quiz and report back with your results!

In a Name

2005-10-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

Some of you have wondered about the title of my blog. If you are still in wonder, keep reading.

Lucy looked hard at the garden and saw that it was not really a garden but a whole world, with its own rivers and woods and sea and mountains. But they were not strange; she knew them all. "I see," she said. "This is still Narnia, and more real and more beautiful than the Narnia down below, just as it was more real and more beautiful than the Narnia outside the stable door! I see... world within world, Narnia within Narnia..."

This excerpt from C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle describes the ending of the enchanted world of Narnia. I have had a devotion to the Chronicles of Narnia since I was about five years old. When I was ten, my brother David suggested that I read the entire series every three years or so. He told me, "The stories will change as you have changed." I took his advice and found that he was absolutely correct. As I mature, these so-called children's books mature with me. The stories and characters change, the typology deepens, and my understanding continues to awaken. They bring me back to the 'basics' of what the Christian life is truly about.

Since I graduated,stepped out of my little catholic college, and got married, my world has gotten bigger. It is the same as it was, but as Lucy affirms, it is "more real and more beautiful." In short, "world within world" is what I am presently experiencing.

"World within world," however, extends far beyond my current status. The phrase also refers to my quest, my purpose. As I strive to know, love, and serve God (and continually fail, I might add), my hopeful end is heaven. Lewis' description of heaven in The Last Battle somehow gives me motivation to continue striving towards becoming a better person: I want to see a deeper, better, bigger, more awesome earth, where there is no such thing as 'subjective truth.'

So, friends... I hope this somewhat crude posting makes a little sense. I hope each of you have a lovely autumn day!

Just because my wedding rocked

2005-10-07T14:14:00.000-07:00

Just give me a d@mn job!

2005-10-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

I feel at peace with my decision to leave the sketchy insurance company. No more jokes about rewarding a job well done with milk and cookies instead of a stiff drink at the bar like "normal people," no more secret meetings solely dedicated to trashing other employees, and no more "Join-us-and-make-40K-a-year!" false promises. I've spent much of this past week watching the Style network, scouring antique stores for my much-needed dose of Agatha Christie paperbacks, Jazzercising (it's not just for blue-hairs anymore!), and hangin' with hubby.

On a whim, I went into the mall yesterday to see if the GAP was hiring. Yes, they are. Yes, I interviewed on the spot because the manager's 3 o'clock appointment didn't show. Yes, I had a second interview with the merchandising manager this morning. Yes, they love me. Moral of the story- start potentially crappy days with a Memorare.

I believe I will get the job. I'm pleased, but a little heartbroken because this means that I probably won't be able to fly home for Christmas, as the holidays are when the employees are most needed. Sigh. I desperately want to go home for the holidays. But who can resist a 50% discount?

On a lighter note, my Astaire & Rogers DVD Collection came today. I'll make Darin watch The Barkleys of Broadway with me tonight before he pulls yet another all-nighter at work. When he has to work all night, I stay up as late as possible so we can sleep together longer when he comes back at 8 am.

I know this next paragraph will not flow as well as a college graduate's "professional" blog should, but this is funny. I walked in the apartment yesterday and Darin was asleep on the couch with nothing on but my bright yellow ladybug boxers. (Laugh, twitter, tweet)

I 'll be back later. In the meantime, enjoy this wedding picture.

Getting to know me

2005-10-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

1. Laughs are good. Laugh a lot. Humor is not from Beelzebub.

2. As a strong Catholic, I invite anyone to disagree with me. Let's discuss our differences and embrace our similarities. I love my Catholic faith and believe in everything She teaches. Bring any questions to the table and we'll talk!

3. Books rock my world. From Poirot to Betsy & Tacy, from Theology of the Body to Harry Potter, books trump television in a major way.

4. ...But I do like my TV... I am a follower of TCM, "Desperate Housewives," "What Not to Wear," "How Do I Look?," and am trying on "Reunion" for size.

5. Gumby is the greatest cartoon ever made. Who agrees with me?

6. Van Gogh is a genius. My brother has a mug with his portrait on it: when you pour hot liquid into the mug, his ear disappears. I could amuse myself with that cup all day.

7. Although I adore Gene Kelly with an unhealthy passion, no one compares to Fred Astaire.

8. I have a coffee addiction. My new favorite is the "Jack Daniel's" blend. I am not a lush by any means, but the java has a lovely subtle flavor.

9. Marriage is more difficult in certain ways than I thought it would be and easier in others. Now when I am angry, I can't run back to my dorm room in tears and make cookies with my girls. Darin and I are now forced to immediately solve the conflict. This has been challenging, but wonderful for our relationship as well.

10. My confirmation saint is Perpetua.

11. My favorite accessory? Shoes! (On Sale!) Oh, and a good lip gloss is crucial to any face.

12. Because of my friend Angel, a White Russian is my current alcoholic beverage of choice. My classic favorite is a "Bun Warmer," hot chocolate with a generous amount of peppermint Schnapps.

13. A "half-assed Catholic" is one who has no intention of following the teachings of the Church, yet calls oneself a Catholic. I have little tolerance for half-assed Catholics. If you're gonna do somethin', do it right! I will temporarily step down from the podium.

14. I love to exercise! Jazzercise is a great way to do it. Cardio, strength, stretch, dance... it's a blast. My instructer Sophia is amazing and oh so fun.

15. My family: I am the youngest of five- 3 sisters and a brother. We are all amazingly different, too. My parents are hippy pagans turned staunch catholics. Very funny people.

16. I just quit my job at an insurance company for several reasons: first, my boss would shamelessly gossip/lie about others in the office. Secondly, he was dishonest about the job's perks and pay. Thirdly, I am much too fun for insurance.

17. I love my animals. I have a black mutt named Pepper, Lulabelle the cat (my pride and joy), and a mother-daughter kitty duo named Betsy and Tacy. Sadly, they live with my parents on the west coast, so I don't see them often.

18. I think I am getting a job at the GAP. Heaven. For a job.

19. Switchfoot is an amazing band! Check 'em out . They are one of the very few secular bands who support the pro-life cause.

20. Darin and I definitely want a lot of kids, but we are postponing right now with Natural Family Planning because he is still in school for Graphic Design.

21. No, NFP is not "Catholic Birth Control."

22. My friend Megen says I dance "ghetto." I say she's probably right.

23. Did I mention I love being Catholic?

24. If I could do anything at all, I would perform for a living. Acting and music are my passions, and I must admit that I am very good at them. My grandfather was an actor, too. (Most of his career was in theatre.) I would have loved to meet him.

25. I used to show horses, but it proved to be the type of thing that whoever has the most money does the best. I plan to get more horses someday and just have fun with them- no unnecessary competition.

26. A major reason I started this blog is to write more and write better. I want to keep up on my edumacation. Oh, and I would love to make new friends and keep old ones through this blogamajig, too. Thanks for reading!

Let's try this again...

2005-10-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I tried this once before about five months ago, but wedding planning, an evil academic dean, and college graduation in the works made a blog practically impossible. I am glad to say that I am back! A little more composed, a little more confident, a little happier. A little wiser, perhaps? I have now been married 2 1/2 months. After an extremely intense four years of dating, Darin and I have experienced an amazing growth in friendship these past few months. I am fortunate to be able to experience all these changes coming my way with him and Him. Get my drift?