Thursday, May 04, 2006

That's Family!

The oddest little imp of a friend stayed over last night. Angel manages to spread joy good advice wherever she goes. Angel's cure for AIDS:

"Be straight. Be monogamous. Don't boink the first person you meet in a bathhouse."

Yes, it's wonderful to have her around again.

Easter was a month ago, but I suffer yet from its effects. Darin and I spent a few days at 'the laws'... I'm simply going to describe Easter dinner, for one needs nothing else to understand.

Mr. Dad, Mrs, Mom, Crabby Grandma, Deaf Grandpa, brother Eric, Darin, and I chewing on a simple Easter feast...

I greet Grandma with a "It's good to see you again!"

Three. Second. Pause.

She finally responds with a high-pitched "Yeah!"

The meal conversation consists of the medication Grandma and Grandpa consistently take. "How many pills do you take a day?" "Woo! Mercy!" "Why exactly do you take them?" "I'm so glad I don't have to take any of those." "How much does it cost you a month?"

"Two-hundred and fifty dollars?! Each of you?"

Mrs. Mom nibbles thoughtfully on a chunk of ham and ponders, "It seems better to die young."

I choke on my Midwestern casserole and began to laugh, hoping she isn't serious. She is.

Darin attempts to change the subjects by producing his latest piece of sculpture to Crabby Grandma. It's a two-foot bronze and plaster sculpture of a beautifully crafted pair of hands. She glances at it, sniffs, and says, "That'd make a good doorstop."

I cough nervously and ask Grandpa some commonplace question. Too late- he's pretty deaf. Grandma volunteers, "He was a pilot in the war."

"Pilot!! I wasn't no pilot! I was a mechanic!" Sheesh. I know he's her second husband and all, but sheesh.

The meal finally ends and the grown-ups retire to the family room to watch Aunt Kay's video of the newest miracle product to hit the market.

Thank God for family! They make great blog material.


The Wench of Immeasurable P. said... mean....?

why the hell am I going to the bathhouse capital of the world in February, then?!?!?!!

Fightgar said...

too funny

Emily said...

Hehe. I like your new family. :-) Great seeing you at graduation! You should post all the pics you took. :-D God bless!

Black Mona said...

yay!!!! you're back! i'll try and update soon too. we'll see now that i'm moved out and have no internet....

Emilie said...

oh lord. sounds like you had tons of fun over easter. :) I definitely laughed out loud and woke up my parents.... oops...

The Last Balancer said...

Corwin is just glad you people are back to updating. ^_^ Louise, Darren, I gots me some serious I just moved into my apartment blues. What do you do to beat them?

Louise said...

I would say:
1) Clean and set up pictures to make it homey- I am a huge believer that a clean house makes you function better as a whole person.
2) Drink a lot of coffee.
3) Invite friends over for an "apartment-warming" party.
4) Eat brownies.
5) Buy a new outfit.