Thursday, February 23, 2006

Mawidge bwings us togevah!

Darin has a habit of talking in his sleep. Consequently, this occurs during the nights I need sleep most. Some choice quotes:

"What? You're wearing that?!"


"No way. You ain't getting NUTTIN' from me!"

He picked up my hand, felt my fingers, and said, "I don't like little things like this. Do you?"

"Hey manny man man!"

I swear he spoke Chinese two weeks ago.

Since I'm too lazy to write a real post, here's some other Darin/Louise tibidgins:

"Darin, sick! You just threw your scab on the floor!"
"Better get your socks on!"

"Gimme a kiss, Louise. One little peck. Try it on for size."
"But you're wearing a turtleneck."

Now, escape from my little world while you can.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Time Out

Think of Mona's family and pray for the repose of her wonderful father's soul!

I would have cropped the above picture, but the sacrifice of Corwin's marvelous thumb wasn't an option. I'll be back soon.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Bursting Oil

Per request of Darin, I write this post.

Blame him.

Back when I was circa fifteen, I would often visit the B family. These wealthy loggers/realtors owned a vast 40,000 acres which included a gorgeous lake. Swimming, boating, salamander catching, crawdad roasting... a perfect place to channel the stinky and dirty side of life. While enjoying the scenery, of course.

One afternoon, a B son and I canoed around the lake, exploring hidden inlets and apprehending minnows. At one point the bottom of the canoe hit a stump, causing me to jerk forward and lay my hand on my friend's back to steady myself.

Comedy happened.

The boy winced in pain, shrugged his shoulders up to his ears, and fairly screamed with a nasal "OW! My ACNE!"

This phrase has oozed its way (pardon the pun) into my marriage's vocabulary. Darin often mentions the pubescent trials of "winter backne." I recently reached for my moisturizer only to see "Crackne Medication" written on it.

Has this jest from my past reached its inevitable demise?

No. Pimples will always be funny.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Of Pimples and Sealing Wax

Marriage has helped me become more vulnerable. To be precise, I've completely passed over the vulnerability stage and into the uncharted realm of obscenity. Mom will be so proud.

Me: "I'm embarrassed... I am getting a huge zit."
Darin: "That's okay, I get 'em all the time. We can be Pimple Pals."

I would further this thread if I was assured that only females read this blog, but as many of my readers are friends of the male species (I love yins) and gross old men with a taste for saucy brunettes (stop calling me), my hands are tied. Moving on...

I don't really care what any other human being thinks of me except my husband. He is the only one who has ever heard the ridiculous phrase, "Do I look fat?" pass through my lips. Only he has to reassure me that I am attractive, intelligent, unique, and amusing. I just assume that everyone else feels the same way; if they don't, I'll make sure to forget the fact.

Speaking of fat nudity, Darin set up a massage appointment for me tomorrow morning!

*grateful bow*

I have never received a professional massage before. All previous massages have been from loving amateurs:

My brother Dave- "This is a good one, Chew. I call this... THE DEATH GRIP!!!" I cry.

Megen- "Lou, you're soooo tense!" She repeats this phrase throughout the massage, defeating its purpose.

Erica- "Schmeeeeeez... [insert little made-up song]"

Indignant Darin- "Two minutes is more than enough!"

Mona- A ten-minute hand massage to prep me for a tough night of paper writing.

Mandy- "Walking on the back is good for you!"

Justin- "Are you sure Darin won't come in?"

That androgynous hobo on the bus- I don't want to talk about it.

Although I am entering into a new stage in life's twisting journey, please know that I will not reject you, nor your offers to manipulate my tissues. Until then.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Oh God. Petey's dead.

*contented sigh*

I am currently sprawled out on the carpet with my lappy, sipping French Roast, clad in oversized pajamas. Snow is lightly falling, I am well-rested, and the apartment is cleaner than usual. Napoleon says "YES!"

Last night I made espresso drinks at the college for a study/game night. It was so much fun to have everyone together again- I miss that! Afterwards, I chatted with Nat for a while- long overdue, I must say. Let's all support Natalie on her journey to Mexican food.

Schmeez Droppings
Thoughts, Realizations, and Excremental Wisdom
  • If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
  • Chris Felix is my hero. Remember the post when I was in the depths of despair after Pat D. said (very maliciously, I must add) that I looked pregnant? Well, months later, Chris saw Pat. He punched the latter in the arm the only way an L.A. native can. Pat asked, "Why did you do that?!" Chris answered, "That's for what you said to Louise at the dance." Isn't that the best thing you've heard? For those of you who know Pat, I am sure this is very satisfying for you. Mwa ha ha! Chris, you rock my world!!! Napoleon says "YES!"
  • Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. (For more, print this out.)
  • Girls, nautical is in. Go to the Value World and stock up on sailor pants, stripey shirts, espadrilles, and salt water taffy.
  • I had a good four days off earlier this week. People, I spent it downloading free King's Quest-ish PC games. I didn't leave the chair for anything except Jazzercise and sustenance. SICK, I tell you! SICK! I'm sure Corwin relates.
  • I went for drinks with Meg and Danny. Very fun! Three alcoholic beverages later, I called Darin to inform him I wouldn't be home that night. In true Lou fashion, I woke up bright and early, feeling wonderfully rested. *groan* I drove back at 6am, crawled into bed with sleeping husband, and slept until noon.
  • My new favorite band- Pink Martini! My bro introduced me to these Portland-based talents. Here's their own description: "Somewhere between a 1930s Cuban dance orchestra, a classical chamber music ensemble, a Brasilian marching street band and Japanese film noir is the 12-piece Pink Martini." Choice.
  • I'm now on to my second cup of coffee. Giyoooo!
  • Valentine's Day is coming- ready your firearms!
Meow, baby.