Tuesday, January 31, 2006

My heart will go on and on and on...

I was just scrounging through my honeymoon photos when I came across this. Darin noticed this actual advertisement during a walk through the park. We had a good laugh over it.

Can anyone think of a worthy caption?

Saturday, January 28, 2006

These Crazy Pills are Delightful!

"I was picking my nose and looking at my computers, that's all!"

Darin is funniest when he doesn't mean to be. He constantly makes unexpected, strange comments, causing me to laugh like I'm taking crazy pills. (Unexpected and strange?!? Add bacon and it's a perfect combo meal!) I spend a lot of time rolling on the carpet during our conversations. Here's the typical rundown of things-
  1. Darin makes funny statement without realizing its potential.
  2. I laugh.
  3. Darin thinks, "You like that, huh? Well, listen to this!"
  4. Darin expands on previous statement, this time not too funny.
  5. Laughter dwindles.
  6. Darin repeats first successful statement with confidence.
  7. Laughter resumes.
I like him.

*Untimely change of topic*

I asked Angel tonight if she feels slightly embarrassed to reveal her occupation when asked by current AMC affiliates. Angel, like me, currently associates with the work-a-day secular world. Little imp answered me with a resounding "YES!" (So glad I'm not alone in this.)

"YES! Lord, YES! Actually, I'm setting the world on fire with a new Catholic drama. And I am the personal secretary to Mel Gibson!"

Oh, Angel. What are you up to now... *personal joke- ask me if interested*

I miss my girl friends. Poor Darin's estrogen levels are at an all-time high from listening to my "feelings" and weird feminine psycho-babble. The guy lives in a cross-bred world of American Idol, polka-dots, and menstrual cycles. When he starts moisturizing, I'll begin to worry.

A special shout-out (is that the term the kids are using these days?) to neighbor-girl Mandy who consented to marry long-time beau Justin. Break out the AirHog!

And there I was, naked in Shoprite.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A Pocketful of Splenda

It was so great to see Darin again! He is my sole consolation in regards to my return to this grey, cold, world. *agonized scream*

I arrived yesterday evening, sore rear in hand. Fully convinced that I would burst into tears at any moment, Darin jumped out the of car. He was so happy to see me and... giddy, actually. I'm glad to be back. Good ol' Darin. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Then, *edited for content*

*edited for content*

And *edited for content*

Yes, it is good to be back.

Oh, and why the unrelated title? I really do have Splenda in my pocket. As the official sweetener of Room 37, I pilfer at least ten packets per coffeehouse visit.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Day 4 1/2

Consensus: Dial-up is the devil's spawn.

I have a few good posts in the works, however, completion is futile between Tib's bellows and Mom's ramblings.

Example: She looked up my name on myspace... she noticed that my status was "single." I never thought I'd have to say to my own mother, "No, I am not looking for guys on the internet!"
Change the default profile settings, people. Change them now.
I'm glad I can laugh about this.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Day 1

An Airplane Haiku

Bunking with strangers
O my Lord I bumped his arm
How my buttocks aches

For the first time in years I wasn’t scared that foreigners would hijack the plane. I was able to enjoy the geometric farmland and decipher crop circles. The long flight and lack of sleep and food paid off. Home was sorely missed.

After a joyful reunion, Mom and I drove to Dave’s school where he is headmaster. (I know. They call him headmaster.) We had a quick lunch at Dave’s favourite café. Please note the English spelling of “favorite.” This charming hole-in-the-wall simply cannot be described with white-trash American spelling.

Costello’s Travel Café, with its burnt golden and sage interior, is perfection… a choice place to unwind and philosophize. My brother generously treated Mom and I to a late lunch. I ordered spicy chai and an Amsterdam pannini. My steaming drink was served with a fern delicately imprinted on the foam. I took a sip- I now know what Edmund tasted when he accepted Jadis’ sustenance. Spicy… warm… tingly… smooth … I always wondered what was in that mug.

The grilled pannini finally arrived, stuffed with chicken breast, provolone, fresh basil pesto, and tomatoes. A side of romaine drizzled with a light vinaigrette accompanied the meal. I love being with David, so this was a perfect beginning to my visit.

Mom and I drove home, where I met our new kitten Tib and tried to win Lulabelle back, to no avail. After I visited Faith and her two kids, I went to Caren’s. Argh. After an over-enthusiastic greeting, she proceeded to put her acting skills to practice in everything she said and did. I ache for her. She is so unhappy with herself, and her children suffer for it. Tonight is Gemma’s 1st birthday party- she looks like she hasn’t aged since I last saw her six months ago… so small and thin. I want to rip Caren’s business manuals away from her, smack her (hard), and force her to make the children priorities, not burdens.

All in all, I am so happy to be back. I miss Darin, but I don’t miss the Midwest.

The West is Best.
(My apologies for the late post, but my parent's dial-up connection suffers.)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I'm heeeere.

Holidays are hectic.

Like clockwork, I contracted an illness before Christmas which barred all speaking abilities. In addition, I worked full-time in retail.

*pause for effect*

Please don't. I've wept enough for all of us.

The important thing is, I'm back. And at a very opportune time, too. Tomorrow morning, I'm flyin' outta this Midwest wasteland of cold and ghetto, and into the land of lollipops and pumpkins! West coast, baby.

Why should you give me another chance, you may ask? AHEM.

My eldest sister, i.e. The Ice Queen, has more or less disowned the rest of the family because of a dispute between her husband Joe and my dear brother Dave. She feels that everyone has taken my brother's side in this abomination of her husband's character and business integrity. Let me add that the truth is quite clear.

In short, I am going to have an exciting eleven days at home. I foresee a cross between Jerry Springer, Dr. Laura, and EWTN. Despite all potential crap, I can't wait to see my family and pets. It's been so long since I've spent non-stressed quality time with my mom. (Let me tell ya, wedding planning does not bring out the best in people.)

In conclusive conclusion, say a little prayer for my flight. I'll be sure to update as much as possible. With pictures! And profanity! And Jujubes!