Friday, March 24, 2006

Goodbye, Fat Pants


An unfailing source of comfort. A non-addictive sleeping pill. Blindness to flaw. Tenderness, acceptance. Unpretentious and mysterious.

These are a mere few of the endless delights offered by my fat pants.

The palest of grey cotton jersey, the mesh of the vertical blue stripe along each leg, the everlasting brown carressing the cuffs... these pants have journeyed from Target's "last chance" rack to Annie to Torie to Natalia... ending with me, only to perish at the hands of my own husband.

Darin recently said to me, "Louise, I don't see how you can feel any less than gross in those things." How could I have not seen the extent of his hatred?!

Woe! I, nor anyone else, will ever lay eyes on my beloved fat pants again. They are gone forever, taking their final asthmatic breaths in a landfill. *wistful sigh*

Will I ever experience comfortable sloth again? More importantly, will I ever love again?

Woe! Woe to the Fat Pants! Woe to memory! Convenience! Questionable stains!

Woe to Darin, who will suffer greatly henceforth. Poophead.

22 comments:

Mel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Angel Roth said...

I don't think I've ever seen anything more scary than Darin's expression sneering at the fat pants. Eyeyeyuh. At least I still have Sr. Jess's fat plaid pajama bottoms!

Emily said...

Poor Louise. I feel your pain. :-(

I had a great pair of sweat pants...they were the best! I wore them alot for 3 years... many folks said the same thing as your husband... they were shocked that I could walk around in a pair of pants so tattered and worn out. I finally pitched them when I found new pairs over x-mas break.

wow. i think i wrote too much. darn it, my comment novels... i can almost never avoid them! ;-)

The Last Balancer said...

I never did wear much in the way of sweatpants. They don't compliment my figure at all.
They make me look lumpy. ><

Katherine said...

*sniff*

I have this entry MEMORIZED now, Lou. Can't you post anything else to lighten the hellish load of finals from your ex-room 37ers?

P.S. Tell Darin he looks like Strongbad!

one of the boys trying to reach the sun said...

LOL! that is so hilarious. Darin, i think you could use those pants as a sleeping bag.

Black Mona said...

ok, you can update now.

Emily said...

Louise, I saw your wedding pictures in your blog archives last night. yes, i have resorted to reading archives since no one is updating right now. YOUR DRESS IS GORGEOUS! You looked STUNNING my dear!!!! My mom loved the pics, too! (i had to show her!) anyways, have a very BLESSED EASTER!

Black Mona said...

up.date.

Black Mona said...

I. am. serious. otherwise, let you be xyqczilt.

Anonymous said...

Dude! I have, like, one word for you, man: update!

Anonymous said...

I'mmmmm waaaaaaaaaiiiittttting!

Anonymous said...

Vote for Pedro.

Anonymous said...

To be or not to be. That is the question.

-Hamlet (yes, he does read your blog)

Anonymous said...

E.T. phone home

Anonymous said...

Truth is the equation of thing and thought.

-Angelic Dr

Anonymous said...

Oops. That's thought and thing.

-the Demonic Dr

Anonymous said...

Whaddup?

Anonymous said...

My spidey senses are tingling.

-your friendly neighborhood Batman, oops, I meant Spiderman

Emily said...

hahaha, I like the Hamlet joke! yea Missy, it's time for an update. :-)

Louise said...

Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, dude. Is that a dagger I see before me?

-H.