Friday, March 24, 2006
Goodbye, Fat Pants
An unfailing source of comfort. A non-addictive sleeping pill. Blindness to flaw. Tenderness, acceptance. Unpretentious and mysterious.
These are a mere few of the endless delights offered by my fat pants.
The palest of grey cotton jersey, the mesh of the vertical blue stripe along each leg, the everlasting brown carressing the cuffs... these pants have journeyed from Target's "last chance" rack to Annie to Torie to Natalia... ending with me, only to perish at the hands of my own husband.
Darin recently said to me, "Louise, I don't see how you can feel any less than gross in those things." How could I have not seen the extent of his hatred?!
Woe! I, nor anyone else, will ever lay eyes on my beloved fat pants again. They are gone forever, taking their final asthmatic breaths in a landfill. *wistful sigh*
Will I ever experience comfortable sloth again? More importantly, will I ever love again?
Woe! Woe to the Fat Pants! Woe to memory! Convenience! Questionable stains!
Woe to Darin, who will suffer greatly henceforth. Poophead.
Posted by Louise at 8:51 AM