Friday, March 24, 2006

Goodbye, Fat Pants


An unfailing source of comfort. A non-addictive sleeping pill. Blindness to flaw. Tenderness, acceptance. Unpretentious and mysterious.

These are a mere few of the endless delights offered by my fat pants.

The palest of grey cotton jersey, the mesh of the vertical blue stripe along each leg, the everlasting brown carressing the cuffs... these pants have journeyed from Target's "last chance" rack to Annie to Torie to Natalia... ending with me, only to perish at the hands of my own husband.

Darin recently said to me, "Louise, I don't see how you can feel any less than gross in those things." How could I have not seen the extent of his hatred?!

Woe! I, nor anyone else, will ever lay eyes on my beloved fat pants again. They are gone forever, taking their final asthmatic breaths in a landfill. *wistful sigh*

Will I ever experience comfortable sloth again? More importantly, will I ever love again?

Woe! Woe to the Fat Pants! Woe to memory! Convenience! Questionable stains!

Woe to Darin, who will suffer greatly henceforth. Poophead.

17 comments:

Mel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Angelie said...

I don't think I've ever seen anything more scary than Darin's expression sneering at the fat pants. Eyeyeyuh. At least I still have Sr. Jess's fat plaid pajama bottoms!

Anonymous said...

*sniff*

I have this entry MEMORIZED now, Lou. Can't you post anything else to lighten the hellish load of finals from your ex-room 37ers?

P.S. Tell Darin he looks like Strongbad!

Black Mona said...

ok, you can update now.

Black Mona said...

up.date.

Black Mona said...

I. am. serious. otherwise, let you be xyqczilt.

Anonymous said...

Dude! I have, like, one word for you, man: update!

Anonymous said...

I'mmmmm waaaaaaaaaiiiittttting!

Anonymous said...

Vote for Pedro.

Anonymous said...

To be or not to be. That is the question.

-Hamlet (yes, he does read your blog)

Anonymous said...

E.T. phone home

Anonymous said...

Truth is the equation of thing and thought.

-Angelic Dr

Anonymous said...

Oops. That's thought and thing.

-the Demonic Dr

Anonymous said...

Whaddup?

Anonymous said...

My spidey senses are tingling.

-your friendly neighborhood Batman, oops, I meant Spiderman

Louise said...

Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, dude. Is that a dagger I see before me?

-H.