Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I'm a natural goth in winter. Fair skin, brownie-black hair, and chains practically dripping off my emaciated body. Okay, maybe not that last part. Nevertheless, it was time for a change.

I made an appointment with the local beauty school. They've never had the fortune of my patronage, but I remember that neon "$4.95 Haircuts" sign from my childhood. I asked the front desk lady for highlights, and I got them. Three and a half hours later. (Seriously, people! Does it truly take that long to get your hair colored?)

Ines, my very young hairdresser, was a definite newbie. When I sat down at her humble hair station, I asked what color would most compliment my skin. Her response was a look of horror, followed by, "Urg, let me get a second opinion."

While Ines put the bleach on my hair, she whimpered, "I hate coloring hair. I try to avoid it whenever I can." Thanks, Ines. Maybe you should consider a different profession. Her teacher would periodically come by, critiquing and offering suggestions. Ines complained, "Jenny, will you stop? It's creepy! Creepy!!" I just sat silently, wondering when I would be released from this chemically-imbalanced hell-hole.

Two excruciating hours later, Ines left me for awhile to let the color set. "Would you like a magazine, Louis?" Groan.

"I'd love a magazine." My bottom was getting sore, and something to read would take my mind off it.

She returned with a copy of Women and Cancer.

Anyway, here's the finished product. Something fun, something different, something I won't do again any time soon.

I Frighten Celebrities

I'm not a huge TV person, but I do have my favorites (think American Idol, Malcolm in the Middle). When it comes to those few favorites, TLC's "What Not To Wear" has been my pet reality show since its birth four years ago. So, imagine my excitement when Josh hands me a flyer advertising Clinton Kelly arrival to Nordstrom's next weekend!

The day arrives. I managed to get my lunch break at 2- just in time to meet my mom and run to Nordy's. We searched the top floor, the bottom floor, the shoe section, everywhere. Clinton was nowhere to be found. Disappointed, we ambled to Starbucks for consolation in the form of chai. I went back to the world of retail, only to find that my coworkers had seen Clinton. At Macy's.

I flipped out, took my fifteen-minute break early, and rushed to Macy's in the hopes that Clinton hadn't left. He hadn't left- he was signing autographs! I tried to get in line, but a Macy's wench had cut it off. I hurried to the front of the line and saw him. He looked just like he looks on TV, only taller, cuter, and much nicer-smelling. He was busy signing books, bodyguards in tow, horribly dressed overweight women fawning over him asking, "How do I look?" He cheerfully responded, "Awful." That's my Clinton.


I desperately wanted his attention. I had to say something. Something brilliant. Something that would make him remember me. If I didn't I would regret it for the rest of my- - - day. For heaven's sake, I was standing five feet in front of him! I shrieked,

"Clinton, I love you! I've been looking all over for you! I thought you were at Nordstrom!"

Sheesh. Clinton's reaction? See below.

Is he a vampire? An angry cat? Joe Hemmerling imitating Father Roy? NO!

Clinton Kelly is laughing at my wit. Laughing at ME! With bonus eye contact! *sigh*

I sprinted back to work happily; unbeknownst to me, my mother was on the receiving end of a "warm and strong" hug from Mr. Kelly at that very moment. Wench.

Like Totally

Here's a dumb survey that I recently contributed to MySpace, the spawn of Satan.
The sole reason I even have a MySpace account is to piss off my sister. And meet middle-aged men.

01. You have 10 bucks and need to get snacks at a gas station. What do you get?
Twinkies, gum, and Snapple

02. IF YOU WERE REINCARNATED AS SOME SORT OF SEA DWELLING CREATURE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Dolphin

03. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE REDHEAD?
Natalie!

04. WHAT DO YOU ORDER WHEN YOU'RE AT AN IHOP?
An omelette! With coffee and pancakes.

05. LAST BOOK YOU READ?
Ordeal by Innocence, by Agatha Christie

06. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Nope.

07. DESCRIBE YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR.
Gasp! Stretchy boy shorts, if you must know.

08. DESCRIBE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE INJURED?
A cat scratch from Maestro, yesterday.

09. OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WITH WHOM WOULD YOU WANT TO BE STUCK IN A WELL?
Katherine- she's brilliant, entertaining, and would have us out in no time.

10. ROCK CONCERT, OR SYMPHONY?
Symphony

11. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

12. SODA?
Dr. Pepper

13. FLAVOR OF PUDDING?
Chocolate- the kind that you actually cook on the stove.

14. COLOR OF SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING?
Red/ pink stripe

15. PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION?
Not yet.

16. IF YOU COULD USE ONLY ONE FORM OF TRANSPORTATION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A little convertible that flies

17. HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
around 50

18. HOW MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
All except Tom.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Darin's outbursts of song

20. MOST RECENT MOVIE YOU'VE WATCHED IN THEATERS?
"Letter to Three Wives" -Classic Movie Tuesdays!

21. IF YOU COULD INVENT ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Cure for all cancer

22. NAME AN ACTOR/ACTRESS YOU'VE HAD THE HOTS FOR.
Jimmy Stewart

23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CITY?
Parts of Salem, Portland, and Ypsi

24. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CAKE?
Yellow with ganache on top

25. WHAT'S THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES TO MIND RIGHT NOW?
Poop!

26. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM IN PERSON?
Last night

27. WHO GOT YOU TO JOIN MYSPACE?
Society

28. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?
Tacos

29. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RESIDING IN THE CURRENT CITY YOU LIVE IN?
4 months

30. IS TOM ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Yeah- why again?

31. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU SAID OUTLOUD?
"Darin, what's the last thing I said out loud?"

32. LOOK TO YOUR LEFT. WHAT DO YOU SEE?
A prayer book Darin picked up at Church

33. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT SPENT $100 ON YOU?
Darin

SAD SECTION
01. Have you ever really cried your heart out?: Yes.
02. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes.
03. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes.
05. Do you cry when you get an injury?: More out of frustration than anything.
06. Do certain songs make you cry?: If I'm in the right mood. "Lighthouse" by Nickel Creek does it for me sometimes.

HAPPY SECTION
01. Are you a happy person?: Yes.
02. What can always make you happy?: Kittens
03. Do you wish you were happier?: Yes
04. Is being happy overrated?: Huh?
05. Can music make you happy?: Of course! It's food for the soul.

HATE SECTION
01. Who do you actually hate?: Unfortunately, I hate one person.
02. Have you ever made a hit list?: No!
03. Have you ever been on a hit list?: I sure hope not!
04. Are you a mean bully?: No, I am a softy.
05. Do you hate George Bush?: No. There's enough hate in the world.

SELF ESTEEM SECTION
1. Do you think you are good looking?: Sometimes.
2. Do you wish you could be someone else? No. I like me.

APPEARANCE
01. Current hair color? Nutty brown
02. Whats your natural color?: Nuttier brown
03. What color are your eyes?: Poop brown
05. Straight Hair or Curls?: Straight and unruly

CURRENTLY WEARING.
01. What shirt are you wearing?: I changed into a black T.
02. Shorts/pants?: Flannel striped pants
03. Shoes?: Socks
04. Necklaces?: Yes, my Holy Spirit necklace

THIS OR THAT
01. Rock or rap?: Rock
03. Wild night out or romantic night in?: Out, then in afterwards.
05. Hummer or Sports Car?: Sports car.
06. Bracelet or Necklace?: Necklace
07. History or Science?: History
08. Sleep in or early to rise?: Sleep in, but I wish I wanted to rise early.
09. Beach or Boardwalk?: Beach
10. Hoodie or Tee Shirt?: Hoodie.
11. Night or Day?: Day
12. High School or College?: College
13. California or Florida?: Cali!!!
14. Love at first sight or learn to love?: Learn to love

HAVE YOU EVER
01. Hugged someone?: Are you serious?
02. Been on the phone until the sun came up?: No.
03. Put a song on repeat for more than an hour?: No.
04. Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: No.

LASTS
01. Last person you talked to in person: Darin
02. Person you talked to online?: Angel
03. Person you talked to on the phone?: My sister Sarah
04. Person you texted?: I never text.
05. Person to text you?: Some perv from Myspace.

MISC. SECTION
01. Do you like surveys?: Yes
02. What kind of shampoo do you use?: John Frieda's Brunette
03. You get along with your parents?: Yes
04. Do you have mental breakdowns?: I get emotional and frustrated sometimes.
05. Did you ever fake being sick?: No, actually. I should try it.
CURRENT
01. Current mood?: Mellow
02. Current music?: Folk
03. Current hair?: Absolutely perfect. ;-)
04. Current desktop picture?: Jesus on the Cross, actually. It keeps me focused.

Now you completely know me.

My So-Called Hemorroid

Here are the pictures you've all been waiting for! Enter into the mysterious life of Louise.
No turning back now.

My 14-year-old dog, Pepper.
She's Basset, Cocker Spaniel, Dachshund, and Beagle

The view from the back porch and kitchen. There are usually about 50 sheep in the field. This is also where the coyotes like to be at night.

My brother and sister-in-law's wonderful dog, Fiona.
She kills raccoons! Fetches sticks! Rolls in poop! Loves to be held! Runs like hell!

This is Panda, the sweetest kitten of them all. I saved her life a few weeks ago when she have a horrible sinus infection.

She's a little bit inbred, though. Her father also happens to be her grandpa.

This is The Fishbowl.
It has just enough room for our couch, bed, and computer. To the left is the main house where Dave and Lili live- we use their kitchen and bathroom.

This is Darin's kitten, Milton. He loves to sit on Darin's shoulder for hours. Speaking of Darin, he has his own blog now.

And yes, that is mac & cheese next to Milton.

I named this bully of a hen after my college friend Katherine, in honor of her family's chicken farm. Heil!

I'm a pretty lucky person.