Saturday, November 18, 2006

I Frighten Celebrities

I'm not a huge TV person, but I do have my favorites (think American Idol, Malcolm in the Middle). When it comes to those few favorites, TLC's "What Not To Wear" has been my pet reality show since its birth four years ago. So, imagine my excitement when Josh hands me a flyer advertising Clinton Kelly arrival to Nordstrom's next weekend!

The day arrives. I managed to get my lunch break at 2- just in time to meet my mom and run to Nordy's. We searched the top floor, the bottom floor, the shoe section, everywhere. Clinton was nowhere to be found. Disappointed, we ambled to Starbucks for consolation in the form of chai. I went back to the world of retail, only to find that my coworkers had seen Clinton. At Macy's.

I flipped out, took my fifteen-minute break early, and rushed to Macy's in the hopes that Clinton hadn't left. He hadn't left- he was signing autographs! I tried to get in line, but a Macy's wench had cut it off. I hurried to the front of the line and saw him. He looked just like he looks on TV, only taller, cuter, and much nicer-smelling. He was busy signing books, bodyguards in tow, horribly dressed overweight women fawning over him asking, "How do I look?" He cheerfully responded, "Awful." That's my Clinton.


I desperately wanted his attention. I had to say something. Something brilliant. Something that would make him remember me. If I didn't I would regret it for the rest of my- - - day. For heaven's sake, I was standing five feet in front of him! I shrieked,

"Clinton, I love you! I've been looking all over for you! I thought you were at Nordstrom!"

Sheesh. Clinton's reaction? See below.

Is he a vampire? An angry cat? Joe Hemmerling imitating Father Roy? NO!

Clinton Kelly is laughing at my wit. Laughing at ME! With bonus eye contact! *sigh*

I sprinted back to work happily; unbeknownst to me, my mother was on the receiving end of a "warm and strong" hug from Mr. Kelly at that very moment. Wench.

8 comments:

Benihime said...

If he was a vampire, that would, like, be totally smexy.

Black Mona said...

you SAW CLINTON???? oh my gosh, i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(words cannot express) JEALOUS of you!!!!!!!!

but GREAT pictures....you're awesome.

The Bard said...

WEEZY!!! I just found out that you are back to blogging! Jeez! its about time girl, I have been going crazy...life is too serious not to have a laugh every now and then! Love you, miss you, glad that you are the first person to make me lough today (besides myself...)

Black Mona said...

it so funny, and i'll call and try and explain it all, but i totally had a dream about this post last night. except that i was there with you trying to see him!*laughs* oh the possibilities that dreams afford!

kelly betsy said...

HAHAHAHAHA

i think that's the face that fr roy had when he was emailing you to tell you about your thesis . . .

that pic is priceless - you should email it to tlc . . .

Clinton Kelly said...

I came across your website while doing a search for a newspaper story about my Macy's appearance, and OMG it's hilarious! And that is THE WORST PICTURE OF ME EVER!!! I totally remember you and laughing at your Nordstrom mishap. Thanks for letting me re-live it. P.S. Your mom grabbed my butt when I hugged her.

Louise said...

Even if the above comment is fake, I am pretending that it is real. I heart you and your argyle sweaters.

VOCAL said...

Clinton Kelly, you wish!!! Louise I don't mind you pretending, it makes me more interesting to the folks.
What a great day that was. Remember I got a free book of his and Stacy's because of our story.
Love, Dear Sweet Mother