One Man's Junk

This past weekend, I attended the Antique and Collectible Show in Portland with meine Mutti. We had a wonderful time, perusing the random booths and bargaining with the sellers. I even met the actress who played Zuzu in "It's a Wonderful Life!" She was a lovely woman, but it made me a little sad... she sold IAWL cookbooks and posters and other memorabilia. I am glad that she wasn't a typical child star (crack by 9, dead by 15), but you could tell that Zuzu was all she had. Know what I mean? Sigh. I felt so guilty that I bought an overpriced cookbook.

Anyhow, here are some of my favorite purchases...

How sweet are these little fabric bundles? And I love love love that sunflowery concoction!


I heart the top clock pattern! Definitely my current favorite. The best thing about the fabric? The Fabric Lady threw in a pair of mint-condition hardbound 1930s Complete Sherlock Holmes! I was so grateful! Wherever you are, Fabric Lady, I thank thee.

Rowena wanted to put her little sticky fingers all over it, but restrained herself.

The darkness of the photo doesn't do my new doll justice, but I just love her. She was made in Hungary; any good name suggestions?

I also scored some new/old embroidered pillowcases for our bed:




They do this show every 3 1/2 months! I cannot wait until July!
I want to get my hands on more treasure.

I Think I Need This

How adorable would this dress be with little white gloves and t-strap pumps? The collar is utterly delicious. This one is on my ever-growing Easter dress list.

Spring Awakening

I love spring.

The very day the WC rain subsides and the sun pops through the frigidity, I am instantly thrown back to happy college days on the quad, rosy cheeks, watching boys play football, fields of purple heather, rainy kisses, horseback riding...

I especially love spring clothes. All I crave this time of year are nautical pieces... blue stripes, canary yellow raincoats, halter-neck tops, flowy skirts, kelly green anything, with a side of tan shoulders. When Rowena goes down for her nap, (and the chores are relatively done... or started) I immediately browse online shops and magazines. I am (surprisingly?) very impressed with Old Navy's selection this season. Their spring collection is brimming with watercolor prints, frilly tops, deliciously saturated colors, polka-dots, and ruffles. There's something positively freeing about eschewing poly blends in favor of cotton voile. Sigh of happiness... I can't wait to wear the clothes I love.

What is your must-have spring item? Enlighten me, and increase my wants.

New Year, New Life

Darin stands at the mirror with grim eyebrows, pounding his barely-there tummy, growling "Cellulite! Cellulite! Arrggh!" I half-smile indulgently, recalling my earlier aversion of the mirror at Jazzercise for fear of seeing that beached sea lion body I am currently trapped inside. Ah, me.

I have been coaxing/nagging Darin to take health and fitness more seriously for months now. It is extremely difficult to eat responsibly and exercise daily with an eternally skinny husband who frequently brings home pastries and chocolaty delicacies. Recently though, something finally clicked with the little man.

"Hey Louise, did you know that you can control your own metabolism?"

Yes, I've told you that before.

"Hon, to use the Abslide effectively, use your stomach muscles, not your arms!"

I know, I told you that 2 months ago.

"You can't spot reduce!"

O to the M to the G, my "Workout for Dummies" DVD has bellowed that info since I used it in college!

I am immediately reminded of this fantastic passage from Little Women:

Amy's lecture did Laurie good, though, of course, he did not own it till long afterwards; men seldom do, for when women are the advisors, the lords of creation don't take the advice till they have persuaded themselves that it is just what they intended to do; then they act upon it, and, if it succeeds, they give the weaker vessel half the credit of it; if it fails, they generously give her the whole.

I don't think anyone can seriously disagree with the above statement. Anyway, Darin and I have made some lifestyle changes and have been successful in implementing them! Proud? Surprised? You should be.

Limiting sugar. This sounds like a no-brainer, but pregnancy trained me to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted it. A terrible mentality to apply to anything. I don't let the last thing I eat for the day be sweet.

No eating past 7 pm. I wake up hungry now, sometimes in the middle of the night! Instead of grabbing crackers, I drink a full glass of water.

Keeping up with my exercise routine. I Jazzercise about 4 times a week, and with the nice weather, I will start bike riding again. Jazzercise is the absolute best! The trick is finding the best instructors- let's just say I avoid Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Same blasted class set every blasted time. She just alternates the stretch routine.

Eating until satisfied, not full. Doing this keeps me more in tune with my body and ups my energy.

These small lifestyle changes have made D and I happier, already healthier, and more in tune with each other. I greatly appreciate his encouragement and accountability. This is not a diet or fad, but a lifestyle. More about my motivation in my next blog post.

In the name of spring dresses, I will succeed!

I Confess

Let's be honest.

I confess that I make a mini-pot of coffee every morning. The first cup is out of necessity. The second and a half cup is because I love the taste.

I confess that I cleaned the kitchen this afternoon in my new black pumps.

I confess that I stole and ate most of Darin's hidden chocolate.

I confess that I love some nieces and nephews more than others.

I confess that I threw away Darin's "King Arthur" dvd because it sucks so bad.

I confess that I forgot to give Roey a bath for almost 2 weeks.

I confess that I have eaten my coworker's leftovers she threw away. (One time, okay?)

I confess that my daughter is perfect; I pity people that aren't her mother.

I confess that Roey and I sleep in until 11 am every morning.

I confess that I love going into work so I can miss my baby.

I confess that I am kind of in TV love with Jim Halpert.

I confess that I have imagined killing the yippy neighbor dog.

I confess that I avoid Facebook as of late because I miss my friends so badly. It just hurts too much sometimes.

I confess that I spend some afternoons raiding my closet and making outfits.

I confess that I drink the last bit of wine from the bottle. No wine glass needed.

I confess that I intentionally ripped Darin's high-school underwear so he would make the conscious decision to dispose of it.

I confess that I only have an active MySpace account to spy on Darin's coworkers. Their concepts of relationships are so foreign to me... definitely voyeuristic on my part.

I confess that Roey almost just fell out of my lap.

Before I Forget: Rowena's Birth Story

It was Ikea's fault.

Darin and I took a fancy to the red dresser this Swedish mega-mall had advertised for almost $300. Crafty and frugal Darin decided to recreate it, only better, and for half the price. We bought the wood, red stain, and other supplies and headed to my dad's garage an hour south from our house. I, being 8 months pregnant and lazy, took advantage of Mom and Dad's cable and watched HGTV with Flava Flav's degenerate dating show as backup. Darin busied himself in the workshop like a man.

The next morning consisted of Mass with Mom and Pops followed by lattes with classic film as conversation. A perfect morning, in my opinion. We all headed up to my brother and sister-in-law's home to prepare for a baby's arrival. Long story short, they were planning to take care of a practically homeless 3-month old girl until further arrangements could be made for adoption to another family. We busily cleaned the kitchen while Mom went for a food run. Bad timing, Ma.

As I leaned over to remove a laptop from the table, I felt a warm gush of fluid escape from you-know-where. My first reaction? "Man, I got my period! Oh, wait." I held my legs together the best I could and hopped to the bathroom. I dropped my pants, held my breath, and looked. My next reaction? "OH S%#@! Um, Darin? Lili? Dad? My water broke." The just-cleaned bathroom was not so clean anymore, but my sis-in-law was wonderful and cleaned up my natural gumbo like a pro.

Me, terrified: "Lili? Am I having a miscarriage?"
Lili, steadily looking at me: "I don't know, Louise."
So glad I can now laugh at that moment.

There was a point when I was alone in the bathtub for what seemed like an hour. My family was running around making phone calls and collectively freaking, forgetting the exploding young woman in the bathtub. "I'm lonely and scared! Someone come talk to me!" Never happened until Darin came in (from calling the hospital and consulting the internet) and helped me dress. Lili supplied me with panties, sweats, and a huge bottle of Melaleuca all-purpose cleaner and we were off to the hospital.

We arrived at triage, my life completely changing before my eyes. I went up to the front desk and announced to the underage nurse, "My water broke. I am having a baby." She responded with an apathetic, "Name please?" I wanted to shake her shoulders and say, "I don't think you understand. My water broke. I am having a baby."

Another apathetic young woman who I barely remember took me to a room where Darin and I started watching Return of the King. Appropriate. I got strapped up with thingies that tracked my contractions and baby's heartbeat. The contractions felt just like menstrual cramps. I could handle it. It was 4 p.m. and I hadn't eaten anything that day save the vanilla latte after church. My worthless nurse (whom I will henceforth refer to as No-face) said that I could only have "clears"- Jello, juice, water. I ate the Jello with gusto and tried to relax. Mom and Dad were in the room and we were all having a relatively easy-going time. I don't think I really believed that I was having a baby. No-face came back in and informed me that her shift was over, so I was getting a new nurse. I gave No-face an enthusiastic good-bye. Enter Diana.

Without Diana, my birthing experience would not have happened. Rowena would still be in my womb, scratching up my uterine walls. Diana was a source of calm and happiness, invaluable qualities to a girl in my situation. She was about 50-odd years, with six children under her belt. She never-once blinked an eye when I yelled in pain when she checked my centimeter progress. She happily cleaned up my Jello-y vomit on the bathroom floor. (Now there was a dilemma. I was on the toilet... wondering what she would rather clean up on the floor. Poop or vomit? Poop or vomit??! I chose the latter, paying no attention to the garbage can next to me.)

There was a point when it was just Mom and Diana in the room. My contractions were getting more intense, and my future as mother was getting increasingly real. I began to cry.
"I can't do this. I am so scared. I really can't do it."
Diana took my hand and gently said, "You can do this. You can do anything."
That was somehow more encouraging than Mom's boisterous "Ready or not, you're gonna do it!" Good ol' Ma.

Diana finally asked that question. "Louise honey, have you given any thought to pain medication?"
I tried to look meditative and serious. "Oh well, I want to see if I can handle this... I would like to- Lord, let's be honest here. Yes. I definitely want an epidural!"
The pain was getting bad. I couldn't sit, or stand, or lay down. I stumbled around the room, repeating, "Dammit. Dammit." Poor Darin really didn't know what to do.

Fast forward, post-medication- about 10 p.m. I was able to take a 2-hour nap. It was the most beneficial sleep I have ever experienced. Not only did I get some stamina back, but I went from 3 centimeters to 10. The doctors were amazed at the progress and told me that I could start pushing whenever I felt like it. Even though the pain was virtually gone, I could feel every contraction. I gave some good pushes with Darin helping me up every time... "I see some hair!"... gave some half-assed pushes... "Sorry, I really didn't try that time"... felt the head crowning... "Don't push yet, Louise"... the doctors and nurses scrambled around the room retrieving stuff needed... "Okay, GO! Push!"... I pushed hard and felt a creature slide out.

Everyone crowded around the foot of the bed, talking and yelling excitedly. I fell back on my pillow, exhausted and utterly spent.
"What is it?!"
No one answered me...
"Hey! What is it!?"
Mom said, "It's a girl!!! What a dreamboat! What a dreamboat!"
"Is she okay?" I yelled.
Diana answered, "She's perfect."

Dr. T laid the naked little thing on my chest. She immediately stopped crying. She knew me. She looked up at my face. "She looks like me." I couldn't stop staring at the half-moons on her fingernails. Darin lay his head next to mine with tired tears in his eyes. I felt only one overwhelming sensation with this little baby girl in my arms: peace. That was one thing I wasn't expecting.

It was 2 a.m. and my little family was able to sleep for a few hours. Rowena slept in my arms. One of the doctors woke me a couple hours later and kindly told me, "Rowena has low blood sugar, so we are going to place her in the nursery for a few hours for testing." I answered too quickly, "Okay, fine. I understand." I didn't yet understand what to feel for this wee thing that just came out of me. I willingly gave her to the nurse. I figured I could use a few hours uninterrupted sleep. How does one sleep when something so immense and inexplicable just happened? I like lying to myself.

It was about 3 p.m. the next day and I still hadn't seen my daughter. Darin and my father had seen her earlier in the afternoon, but my stitches were fresh and my entire body throbbed with exhaustion and pain. Also? I was terrified... of my new life, believing that I would completely fail this new person. I suddenly had an intense desire to see Rowena. I limped with Darin to the nursery.

I looked around the room riddled with volunteer women rocking and feeding little babies. My eyes finally rested on a certain little red-faced furry newborn. An adorable one at that. A kind-faced woman held and fed her, happily chatting with another volunteer. My heart jumped to my throat. I needed to hold my baby. I wanted to sprint across the room and tear that little lass from the stranger's arms. Rowena was soon in my arms, peaceful and beautiful and perfect. I was a mother. I felt it in every bone and hair and painful stitch. My heart finally gave in and allowed me to love my daughter. It hurt, oh, how it hurt! The love a mother has for her child is so wonderful, yet so painful! The tears rolled down my face and wouldn't stop. I clutched her close to my aching body for an hour, just staring at her gorgeous face and half-moons on her fingernails. That hour seemed like a minute.

Rowena was a month early, so we didn't really have very many things for her. Her dresser was still in pieces in our car, the clothes that we did have were much too large (and still are!), and I had forgotten everything I read about childcare. (I still can't believe that hospitals just let you take the baby home.) Thank God for my mother. She supplied us with new blankets, dresses, and onesies and made dinner for us... brown rice and chicken. Sigh, that tasted so delicious after hospital food.

Being a mother has given me a new purpose in life. It is the most scary and awesome and crazy thing I have ever done. I didn't know that I could love something so much and so intensely. I am completely exhausted after writing this blog entry. I can't even tie in the first sentence with the last sentence. This'll have to do:

Work it Out

I joined a gym last week. Since then, I have more energy, I sleep better, and my pride has been checked out the door.

I had a day off on Wednesday, so I decided to catch the noon step class. I attended Jazzercise last year and found the step class to be most invigorating. No problem, right? Oh, ignorance.

A somewhat haggard and bitter housefrau was the instructor. There was minimal instruction and complete lack of personality, except for an occasional giggle which I'm pretty sure was directed at me. The other attendees frightened me, with their perfectly toned bodies yet middle-aged faces. Have you ever witnessed this phenomenon? Not cool. Not remotely cool. My advice to them-- exercise less, eat a twinkie. In fact, the entire experience was just like a secret cultish choreographed dance that I should not have been permitted to witness. I looked like a complete fool; even the times that I completed a step correctly, I did it backwards. It didn't help that Spandex Man in front of me took the liberty of reprimanding my off-moves and pointing each direction with purpose. Shudder... Spandex Man.

The first fifteen minutes, I was ready to leave. Not only was my pride getting a beating, but my face was getting freakishly pink like it always does when I exercise. However, I stuck it out to the end and managed to avoid eye contact with every person as I stumbled out to the locker room. Huzzah!

Off to the gym. Grr, baby.

An Unsuccessful Attempt at Schmeez Droppings

I feel great today. Not only is it Week #2 with my slightly-evil boss on a forced 7-month maternity leave, but I can wear my cowboy boots today. How are these two things related? You must not know me very well.

Why is it that I won't get up right now to go to the bathroom? I've felt the urge for about an hour, yet those MySpace and Facebook pages had to be updated, dammit! The world's social fate rests on whether or not I've updated my current status! No one understands me.

Darin and I are looking at condos on Friday. Mucho expensive, but we need it. It's been a blessing living in the fishbowl, but we need our own place. As do my brother and sister-in-law. It's been fun being freeloaders.

Liberals are whiny.

I need to take a shower. Get up, Louise. Come on, you need to go to work soon. You'll feel better, I promise. Your armpits won't stick together anymore if you just go take a shower. Do it. Come on, you don't even have to wash your hair. Do you remember the last time you took a shower? You need this. JUST GO!!!

Huh? What was that?!? My apologies, esteemed bloggers. Hey, Maury Povich is on!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I'm a natural goth in winter. Fair skin, brownie-black hair, and chains practically dripping off my emaciated body. Okay, maybe not that last part. Nevertheless, it was time for a change.

I made an appointment with the local beauty school. They've never had the fortune of my patronage, but I remember that neon "$4.95 Haircuts" sign from my childhood. I asked the front desk lady for highlights, and I got them. Three and a half hours later. (Seriously, people! Does it truly take that long to get your hair colored?)

Ines, my very young hairdresser, was a definite newbie. When I sat down at her humble hair station, I asked what color would most compliment my skin. Her response was a look of horror, followed by, "Urg, let me get a second opinion."

While Ines put the bleach on my hair, she whimpered, "I hate coloring hair. I try to avoid it whenever I can." Thanks, Ines. Maybe you should consider a different profession. Her teacher would periodically come by, critiquing and offering suggestions. Ines complained, "Jenny, will you stop? It's creepy! Creepy!!" I just sat silently, wondering when I would be released from this chemically-imbalanced hell-hole.

Two excruciating hours later, Ines left me for awhile to let the color set. "Would you like a magazine, Louis?" Groan.

"I'd love a magazine." My bottom was getting sore, and something to read would take my mind off it.

She returned with a copy of Women and Cancer.

Anyway, here's the finished product. Something fun, something different, something I won't do again any time soon.

I Frighten Celebrities

I'm not a huge TV person, but I do have my favorites (think American Idol, Malcolm in the Middle). When it comes to those few favorites, TLC's "What Not To Wear" has been my pet reality show since its birth four years ago. So, imagine my excitement when Josh hands me a flyer advertising Clinton Kelly arrival to Nordstrom's next weekend!

The day arrives. I managed to get my lunch break at 2- just in time to meet my mom and run to Nordy's. We searched the top floor, the bottom floor, the shoe section, everywhere. Clinton was nowhere to be found. Disappointed, we ambled to Starbucks for consolation in the form of chai. I went back to the world of retail, only to find that my coworkers had seen Clinton. At Macy's.

I flipped out, took my fifteen-minute break early, and rushed to Macy's in the hopes that Clinton hadn't left. He hadn't left- he was signing autographs! I tried to get in line, but a Macy's wench had cut it off. I hurried to the front of the line and saw him. He looked just like he looks on TV, only taller, cuter, and much nicer-smelling. He was busy signing books, bodyguards in tow, horribly dressed overweight women fawning over him asking, "How do I look?" He cheerfully responded, "Awful." That's my Clinton.


I desperately wanted his attention. I had to say something. Something brilliant. Something that would make him remember me. If I didn't I would regret it for the rest of my- - - day. For heaven's sake, I was standing five feet in front of him! I shrieked,

"Clinton, I love you! I've been looking all over for you! I thought you were at Nordstrom!"

Sheesh. Clinton's reaction? See below.

Is he a vampire? An angry cat? Joe Hemmerling imitating Father Roy? NO!

Clinton Kelly is laughing at my wit. Laughing at ME! With bonus eye contact! *sigh*

I sprinted back to work happily; unbeknownst to me, my mother was on the receiving end of a "warm and strong" hug from Mr. Kelly at that very moment. Wench.

Like Totally

Here's a dumb survey that I recently contributed to MySpace, the spawn of Satan.
The sole reason I even have a MySpace account is to piss off my sister. And meet middle-aged men.

01. You have 10 bucks and need to get snacks at a gas station. What do you get?
Twinkies, gum, and Snapple

02. IF YOU WERE REINCARNATED AS SOME SORT OF SEA DWELLING CREATURE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Dolphin

03. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE REDHEAD?
Natalie!

04. WHAT DO YOU ORDER WHEN YOU'RE AT AN IHOP?
An omelette! With coffee and pancakes.

05. LAST BOOK YOU READ?
Ordeal by Innocence, by Agatha Christie

06. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Nope.

07. DESCRIBE YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR.
Gasp! Stretchy boy shorts, if you must know.

08. DESCRIBE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE INJURED?
A cat scratch from Maestro, yesterday.

09. OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WITH WHOM WOULD YOU WANT TO BE STUCK IN A WELL?
Katherine- she's brilliant, entertaining, and would have us out in no time.

10. ROCK CONCERT, OR SYMPHONY?
Symphony

11. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

12. SODA?
Dr. Pepper

13. FLAVOR OF PUDDING?
Chocolate- the kind that you actually cook on the stove.

14. COLOR OF SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING?
Red/ pink stripe

15. PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION?
Not yet.

16. IF YOU COULD USE ONLY ONE FORM OF TRANSPORTATION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A little convertible that flies

17. HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
around 50

18. HOW MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
All except Tom.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Darin's outbursts of song

20. MOST RECENT MOVIE YOU'VE WATCHED IN THEATERS?
"Letter to Three Wives" -Classic Movie Tuesdays!

21. IF YOU COULD INVENT ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Cure for all cancer

22. NAME AN ACTOR/ACTRESS YOU'VE HAD THE HOTS FOR.
Jimmy Stewart

23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CITY?
Parts of Salem, Portland, and Ypsi

24. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CAKE?
Yellow with ganache on top

25. WHAT'S THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES TO MIND RIGHT NOW?
Poop!

26. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM IN PERSON?
Last night

27. WHO GOT YOU TO JOIN MYSPACE?
Society

28. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?
Tacos

29. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RESIDING IN THE CURRENT CITY YOU LIVE IN?
4 months

30. IS TOM ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Yeah- why again?

31. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU SAID OUTLOUD?
"Darin, what's the last thing I said out loud?"

32. LOOK TO YOUR LEFT. WHAT DO YOU SEE?
A prayer book Darin picked up at Church

33. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT SPENT $100 ON YOU?
Darin

SAD SECTION
01. Have you ever really cried your heart out?: Yes.
02. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes.
03. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes.
05. Do you cry when you get an injury?: More out of frustration than anything.
06. Do certain songs make you cry?: If I'm in the right mood. "Lighthouse" by Nickel Creek does it for me sometimes.

HAPPY SECTION
01. Are you a happy person?: Yes.
02. What can always make you happy?: Kittens
03. Do you wish you were happier?: Yes
04. Is being happy overrated?: Huh?
05. Can music make you happy?: Of course! It's food for the soul.

HATE SECTION
01. Who do you actually hate?: Unfortunately, I hate one person.
02. Have you ever made a hit list?: No!
03. Have you ever been on a hit list?: I sure hope not!
04. Are you a mean bully?: No, I am a softy.
05. Do you hate George Bush?: No. There's enough hate in the world.

SELF ESTEEM SECTION
1. Do you think you are good looking?: Sometimes.
2. Do you wish you could be someone else? No. I like me.

APPEARANCE
01. Current hair color? Nutty brown
02. Whats your natural color?: Nuttier brown
03. What color are your eyes?: Poop brown
05. Straight Hair or Curls?: Straight and unruly

CURRENTLY WEARING.
01. What shirt are you wearing?: I changed into a black T.
02. Shorts/pants?: Flannel striped pants
03. Shoes?: Socks
04. Necklaces?: Yes, my Holy Spirit necklace

THIS OR THAT
01. Rock or rap?: Rock
03. Wild night out or romantic night in?: Out, then in afterwards.
05. Hummer or Sports Car?: Sports car.
06. Bracelet or Necklace?: Necklace
07. History or Science?: History
08. Sleep in or early to rise?: Sleep in, but I wish I wanted to rise early.
09. Beach or Boardwalk?: Beach
10. Hoodie or Tee Shirt?: Hoodie.
11. Night or Day?: Day
12. High School or College?: College
13. California or Florida?: Cali!!!
14. Love at first sight or learn to love?: Learn to love

HAVE YOU EVER
01. Hugged someone?: Are you serious?
02. Been on the phone until the sun came up?: No.
03. Put a song on repeat for more than an hour?: No.
04. Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: No.

LASTS
01. Last person you talked to in person: Darin
02. Person you talked to online?: Angel
03. Person you talked to on the phone?: My sister Sarah
04. Person you texted?: I never text.
05. Person to text you?: Some perv from Myspace.

MISC. SECTION
01. Do you like surveys?: Yes
02. What kind of shampoo do you use?: John Frieda's Brunette
03. You get along with your parents?: Yes
04. Do you have mental breakdowns?: I get emotional and frustrated sometimes.
05. Did you ever fake being sick?: No, actually. I should try it.
CURRENT
01. Current mood?: Mellow
02. Current music?: Folk
03. Current hair?: Absolutely perfect. ;-)
04. Current desktop picture?: Jesus on the Cross, actually. It keeps me focused.

Now you completely know me.

My So-Called Hemorroid

Here are the pictures you've all been waiting for! Enter into the mysterious life of Louise.
No turning back now.

My 14-year-old dog, Pepper.
She's Basset, Cocker Spaniel, Dachshund, and Beagle

The view from the back porch and kitchen. There are usually about 50 sheep in the field. This is also where the coyotes like to be at night.

My brother and sister-in-law's wonderful dog, Fiona.
She kills raccoons! Fetches sticks! Rolls in poop! Loves to be held! Runs like hell!

This is Panda, the sweetest kitten of them all. I saved her life a few weeks ago when she have a horrible sinus infection.

She's a little bit inbred, though. Her father also happens to be her grandpa.

This is The Fishbowl.
It has just enough room for our couch, bed, and computer. To the left is the main house where Dave and Lili live- we use their kitchen and bathroom.

This is Darin's kitten, Milton. He loves to sit on Darin's shoulder for hours. Speaking of Darin, he has his own blog now.

And yes, that is mac & cheese next to Milton.

I named this bully of a hen after my college friend Katherine, in honor of her family's chicken farm. Heil!

I'm a pretty lucky person.

Cup o' Corn Squeezins

Now that I'm a hick, my overall mentality has slightly changed.

I used to check people. com twice a day- now I check email once a week when I visit my parents with their highly-advanced Netscape dial-up.

Dawson's Creek reruns and reality TV has been replaced with George MacDonald and Red Rose tea.

My current idea of a microwave is setting a plate of food in the sun, ready to eat in one hour.

Because T-Mobile in Oregon is useless, I have no contact with faraway friends, enemies, or acquaintances. I would write, but I don't have anyone's address.

I think my car used to be green.

I'm surprised I can actually remember how to type on this keyboard. I'm going a little nutty, pardner. Thank God I'm starting Jazzercise tomorrow.

i am not worthy

I am a disgrace to the blogging community. Therefore, I will humble myself by forsaking capitalization.

life is beautiful, hectic, always fun, and always mentally-ill. darin and i work constantly, commuting to work an hour each way. we just moved in with my brother and sister-in-law, so the commute will incredibly lessen. we have a little house that is right next to theirs- just enough room for books, couch, and bed. we call it "the fishbowl" because of the huge windows and lack of curtains.

living in the countryside has been amazing. the best things in life- berry-picking at sunrise, washing my face with the garden hose, cuddling newborn kittens, the glorious view of mountains and forest, the river within walking distance... i am in heaven!

i just discovered that my college friend anna just moved to the very farm that dave and lili rent on! right across the street! it's wonderful to have someone so close so near to me. i was in serious need of feminine companionship.

i still feel really guilty for not posting. bloody hell, i'll abandon punctuation as well!

thanks for reading my blog i will make more of an effort to post i am now managing at the biggest gap in oregon i am excited to relinquish my peon status why doesn't my brother have internet how can i live rather how can you live without my wisdom and schmeez droppings

uggghhh now i know what rosie odonnells sick blog feels like

A $2000 Friendship

It all started when my sister had a hankering for some hair dye.

We walked three blocks to the local market, chatting and pondering what color she should try. Fifteen minutes later, we made the purchase (a chocolatey-brown for those who are interested) and exited the building.

Both of us stopped abruptly in our tracks. There she was.

Friends, meet Doris. My new car.

Long live 'For Sale by Owner' cars in the parking lot!

The End is Near

Well, the two-week Southern Cali vacation is over- Darin and I head back up to the Pacific Northwest today. And not a moment too soon! I miss the hot days and cool nights, the best coffee in North America, the crisp air, the occasional cloudy sky... By the way, cloudy days in the PN are gorgeous, not depressing- I've called them "Poet's Days" since I was nine.

One thing I am not looking forward to? Seeing Dad in his underwear.

It's inevitable. There hasn't been a single visit without seeing my pasty father in his sick, white, thinning briefs. The question is, when? When I collect clean clothes from the dryer? A bathroom visit at 3 am? My morning coffee? Nothing is safe anymore, I tell you!

I must remember not to raise my voice after he goes to bed. If anything comes in the way between Dad and the Sandman, take warning sailor. A naked monster will emerge, grunting exclamations: "Uh? Ugh? I'm trying to sleep! Uh!"
*shudder*

I'll keep you posted.

On a fully-clothed note, my uncle gave me an exquisite amber necklace in gratitude for house and dog-sitting while he was in Poland. He doesn't surprise me with the unwelcome sights of hairless thighs and saggy rears.

One year

Today is my first wedding anniversary. Hot diggity dog! There is no emoticon for what I am feeling right now.

This past year proved to be a dysfunctional cornucopia of laughter, uncertainty, pain, joy, and bodily functions. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Yeah, somewhat like the French Revolution.

I made a most important discovery about myself. I make a very poor wife. Before you start consoling the computer ("Oh, Louise, don't say that!"), it's completely true. In our first year of marriage, I barely cooked, cleaned, paid bills, or contributed to any sort of marital duties.

Whoa. That was harder to type than I thought.

This caused a few difficulties, as you can imagine. Darin as the responsible man of all men, myself as the somewhat inconsiderate roommate. (It didn't help that we had almost opposite work/school schedules, resulting in too many lonely nights.) We argued about it, I cried and pouted, Darin grunted... He wanted to know exactly why I wouldn't help him. I didn't even know. It took a good eight months to figure out why I, a hardworking and compassionate person, a 'dem fine gel', could not bring myself to take on the role of WIFE.

Sacrifice.

I couldn't do it. If I committed myself to this marriage whole-heartedly, I would lose myself. I would lose my individuality, my person. I would lose Louise. This thought was excruciating. I like me.

Why did it take almost eight months to realize this? Well, I am Louise, after all. But now that I know what was holding me back from giving God and Darin all that I can possibly give, it can be fixed. "I'm not dead yet!"

And can I say how happy I am to be back home? Apartment living in Southern Michigan really brings out the worst in people. So glad to be home. It's much easier to sacrifice. (OK, that was meant to be ironic.) Sigh... And through it all, my husband still likes me.

This one's Accredited.

The University of Blogging Presents to Louise An Honorary Bachelor of Emo Majoring in Self Deprecation Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com �

Username:

Two Names You Go By:
1. Weezy
2. Lou

Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Czech
2. Native American (but not enough to get a scholarship)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Orange beads
2. Black bermudas

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Laughter
2. Risk

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Playing in water
2. Reading while taking a hot bath

Two Things You Want Really Badly At The Moment:
1. for Elliott Yamin to win American Idol
2. Summer clothes

Two pets you had/have:
1. My beloved cat Lulabelle
2. My deaf/blind/awesome mutt Pepper

Two people who will fill this out:
1. Angel
2. Emily

Two things you did last night:
1. Watched American Idol
2. Drank chai

Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Travel Cafe in Portland
2. Red Robin

Two things you ate today:
1. Latte for breakfast
2. Chili dog for lunch

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Darin
2. Mona

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Working
2. Playing with Meghan and Mona???

Two longest car rides:
1. From Oregon to Ohio last summer
2. From St. Paul to San Bernandino on NET

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Thanksgiving

Reunion!

Per request, feast your googly eyes on some pictures from my alma mater's reunion. There is no need for further text.

All the Spirit Award recipients in the history of AMC

Torie managed to get her uncle's awesome swing band to perform










It just wouldn't be an Ave function without frightening a beloved professor












I can't stand this guy.

Sean and Thom: The truth is OUT!

Erica and Louise: together again. RUN AWAY!

I peer-pressured Angel into having one more drink.

Hey, I can look like a normal person!
The possibilities!

That's Family!

The oddest little imp of a friend stayed over last night. Angel manages to spread joy good advice wherever she goes. Angel's cure for AIDS:

"Be straight. Be monogamous. Don't boink the first person you meet in a bathhouse."

Yes, it's wonderful to have her around again.

Easter was a month ago, but I suffer yet from its effects. Darin and I spent a few days at 'the laws'... I'm simply going to describe Easter dinner, for one needs nothing else to understand.

Mr. Dad, Mrs, Mom, Crabby Grandma, Deaf Grandpa, brother Eric, Darin, and I chewing on a simple Easter feast...

I greet Grandma with a "It's good to see you again!"

Three. Second. Pause.

She finally responds with a high-pitched "Yeah!"

The meal conversation consists of the medication Grandma and Grandpa consistently take. "How many pills do you take a day?" "Woo! Mercy!" "Why exactly do you take them?" "I'm so glad I don't have to take any of those." "How much does it cost you a month?"

"Two-hundred and fifty dollars?! Each of you?"

Mrs. Mom nibbles thoughtfully on a chunk of ham and ponders, "It seems better to die young."

I choke on my Midwestern casserole and began to laugh, hoping she isn't serious. She is.

Darin attempts to change the subjects by producing his latest piece of sculpture to Crabby Grandma. It's a two-foot bronze and plaster sculpture of a beautifully crafted pair of hands. She glances at it, sniffs, and says, "That'd make a good doorstop."

I cough nervously and ask Grandpa some commonplace question. Too late- he's pretty deaf. Grandma volunteers, "He was a pilot in the war."

"Pilot!! I wasn't no pilot! I was a mechanic!" Sheesh. I know he's her second husband and all, but sheesh.

The meal finally ends and the grown-ups retire to the family room to watch Aunt Kay's video of the newest miracle product to hit the market.

Thank God for family! They make great blog material.